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Self Accountability

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Self Accountability

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." ~ Jim Rohn

What do you do when no one is watching? Do you maintain the same actions of self-accountability, or do you relax them slightly? Self-accountability refers to the ability to take responsibility for one's own actions, decisions, and their consequences regardless of who is watching or what the scenario is. It involves being honest with oneself about successes and failures, acknowledging mistakes, and learning from them to improve and grow. Practicing self-accountability can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and greater success in achieving personal and professional goals. It is a vital skill for anyone looking to develop a powerful sense of integrity and responsibility.

Self-Awareness

What are the elements of self-accountability? Self-accountability begins with self-awareness which is described as the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as how they affect not only you but others. It is a crucial component of emotional intelligence and plays a significant role in personal growth and development. Marshall Goldsmith in “What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There” explores self-awareness and accountability as key components in achieving personal and professional growth. In his book, Goldsmith explains that successful people often believe their past behavior is the reason for their success. This can lead to complacency and resistance to change. In order to avoid complacency and resistance to change, Goldsmith stresses the importance of seeking feedback from others to gain insight into behaviors to increase self-awareness.

Self-Honesty

There is a link between self-awareness and self-honesty. Self-honesty seems like an uncomplicated process; however, individuals may find it difficult to be self-honest for several reasons including fear of judgment, ego and pride, cognitive dissonance, cultural and social influences, and past experiences in life. Addressing these challenges often involves developing greater self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and creating a safe environment for honest self-reflection.

Yet, being truthful with yourself about your performance, behaviors, and areas that need improvement are critical to self-accountability. Self-honesty includes being truthful with oneself about one’s thoughts, feelings, actions, and motivations. It involves recognizing and accepting both strengths and weaknesses without self-deception or denial.

Another aspect of self-honesty is admitting mistakes. Admitting mistakes is an essential aspect of personal growth, effective leadership, and healthy relationships. It requires humility, self-awareness, and courage. John Maxwell in “Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success” explores how embracing and learning from mistakes can lead to personal and professional growth. He emphasizes that failure is not the opposite of success but a part of it. Finally, acceptance of reality allows individuals to be realistic about circumstances and capabilities, avoiding idealization or exaggeration.

Commitment

Once a level of self-awareness and self-honesty is established, following through on promises and commitments made to self and others is a requirement for self-accountability. A commitment to self is a dedication to personal growth, well-being, and fulfillment. It involves prioritizing your needs, values, and goals, and taking intentional actions to nurture and develop yourself. It also requires taking full ownership of goals and the actions needed to achieve them. Commitment involves dedicating the necessary time, effort, and resources to make progress. Shane Parrish in “Clear Thinking” suggests that committing means making deliberate choices about how you spend your time and energy and then focusing on what truly matters while aligning your actions with your values and goals.

In the fast pace of everyday life individuals sometimes forget that commitment to self is as vital as commitment to goals. Often missed is the need to prioritize physical, emotional, and mental well-being by engaging in activities that replenish and rejuvenate. Commitment to self also includes setting and maintaining healthy boundaries to protect time, energy, and resources. This might involve saying no when necessary and respecting your limits. Let’s not forget that being kind to and forgiving of yourself, especially when facing setbacks or challenges, includes the recognition that imperfection is a part of being human.

Seeking Feedback

From whom do you seek feedback? Self-accountability requires being open to feedback from others and using it constructively to enhance personal development. Seeking feedback offers numerous benefits, both personally and professionally. Receiving feedback holds you accountable for your actions and outcomes. It encourages taking responsibility for your work and striving for excellence. Getting feedback from others can provide individuals with different perspectives that you might not have considered and may remove confirmation bias from any given situation. This can lead to more creative solutions and a deeper understanding of what is needed and desired actions that lead to success. Constructive feedback can also help identify problems or challenges that might not have been noticed and offers opportunities to address issues before they become significant obstacles. Feedback from others can introduce new ideas, techniques, or methods that may not have been encountered before. Finally, feedback is a valuable learning experience that broadens your knowledge.

Seeking feedback demonstrates that you value others’ opinions and are open to collaboration. This can strengthen relationships and build trust with colleagues, peers, or clients. Although Jim Collin’s work in “Good to Great” focuses primarily on companies, he discusses the importance of having the right people on the "bus," which can be applied to personal development. Selecting the right mentors or advisors can help steer your personal and professional life in the right direction.

 Reflection

Without reflection, it is difficult to be self-accountable. Reflection plays a crucial role in enhancing self-accountability by encouraging assessment of actions, decisions, and behaviors. Reflecting on decisions encourages ownership of them. This ownership fosters a sense of accountability, as individuals recognize that they have control over actions and their consequences. Reflection elevates awareness of strengths, weaknesses, and patterns of behavior. This awareness is the first step in both taking responsibility for actions and making conscious choices. Reflecting on past experiences helps to glean learning from them. By analyzing what worked and what did not, application of these lessons to future situations creates opportunities for growth and development. This is true for both successes and mistakes. Reflection often leads to insights that can prompt changes in behavior. When it is recognized that certain actions are not leading to desired outcomes, individuals are more likely to take responsibility and adjust behaviors accordingly. Overall, reflection is a powerful tool for fostering self-accountability. It encourages a proactive approach to personal and professional development, enabling individuals to take responsibility for actions and continuously strive for improvement.

Many authors have written about the need for reflection as part of growth and development. In "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen R. Covey discusses the habit of "Sharpening the Saw," which involves regular reflection and renewal. He emphasizes how self-reflection is crucial for maintaining balance and accountability in personal and professional life. Next, in "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success," Carol Dweck examines how the growth mindset encourages reflection and accountability. She explains how reflecting on setbacks and challenges can lead to personal development and accountability for one's growth and learning. Finally, Byron Katie, whose work is often used in coaching, introduces a process of self-inquiry called "The Work," which involves reflecting on one's thoughts and beliefs. Through this reflective process, individuals can take accountability for their perceptions and find peace and clarity.

Practicing self-accountability can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and greater success in achieving personal and professional goals. It is a vital skill for anyone looking to develop an intense sense of integrity and responsibility. Overall, self-accountability encourages taking ownership of life, leading to greater fulfillment and success in both personal and professional endeavors.

 

Are You Listening?

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Are You Listening?

Woman leaning her face on her hand and listening to her co-worker

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." — Stephen R. Covey

Good listening is often highlighted as a crucial skill across various disciplines, including communication, leadership, education, and more. Michael P. Nichols, in “The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships” argues that good listening can significantly enhance personal relationships by making others feel valued and understood. The way we listen influences what people choose to share and how they express themselves. When someone feels truly heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts honestly. On the other hand, if someone senses that the listener is distracted, judgmental, or uninterested, they may withhold information, be less candid, or communicate less effectively. How do we measure how well we listen? Three levels of listening are often discussed when measuring listening.

Level One Listening

Level One Listening is a type of listening that is focused primarily on the listener themselves, rather than on the speaker. It is considered the most basic level of listening, where the listener is more concerned with how the conversation relates to them rather than fully engaging with the speaker’s message. During Level One listening, the spotlight is on "me": my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others. Level One Listening involves only one question: "What does this mean to me?"

Judith Glaser, in the book “Conversational Intelligence”, emphasizes various listening strategies that foster deeper connections and mutual understanding in conversations. She shares her views of transactional listening which can be understood as a form of listening that is primarily focused on the exchange of information necessary to complete a task or achieve a specific outcome. Level One Listening can be effective in certain situations where quick, surface-level responses are needed, but it is often inadequate for deeper, more meaningful conversations. In coaching, leadership, or personal relationships, moving beyond Level One Listening to more engaged, empathetic forms of listening is crucial for building trust and understanding.

Level Two Listening

The movement to Level Two Listening, Focused Listening, change the focus to the other person. At this level, individuals make their presence known. It can be seen in people's posture when they are communicating at Level Two as both lean forward and are looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world. We listen for words, expressions, emotions, what they do not say. In the words of Gabriel Marcel, a French existentialist philosopher, playwright, and music critic, "When somebody's presence does really make itself felt, it can refresh my inner being; it reveals me to myself, it makes me feel more fully myself than I should be if I were not exposed to its impact."  Marcel's ideas on presence, listening, and the mystery of existence challenge us to consider the deeper aspects of human experience and the ways in which we engage with others and the world around us.

Nancy Kline, in “Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind",  although not using the exact Level Two terminology, explores the importance of attentive and focused listening. Her concept of creating a "thinking environment" involves deep, focused listening that aligns closely with the principles of Level Two Listening, where the listener is fully present and engaged with the speaker. Another author, Daniel Goleman, in “Working with Emotional Intelligence,” Daniel shares the importance of empathetic listening in the context of emotional and social intelligence. He emphasizes that truly effective communication requires the listener to be fully attuned to the speaker’s emotions and needs, which aligns with the principles of Level Two Listening.

Level Three Listening

During Level Three Listening, Global Listening, individuals listen at 360 degrees. This level represents the deepest and most comprehensive level of listening. This concept is commonly used in coaching, leadership, and communication training to describe a type of listening that goes beyond the words spoken by the individual to include an awareness of the entire environment, context, and energy of the conversation.

When in Level Three Listening, the listener is not just focused on the speaker but is also attuned to the broader context of the conversation. This includes being aware of non-verbal cues, the emotional tone, the physical environment, and the underlying dynamics between the people involved. Global Listening involves using intuition to sense what is not being said. The listener notices the "vibes" or "energy" of the conversation, which can include subtle shifts in mood, tension, or the flow of the dialogue. This level of listening includes being aware of the impact of the environment on the conversation. For example, the listener might notice how the setting, timing, or external factors influence the speaker and the dialogue. Authors who have written about Level Three Listening include Richard Boyatzis, Daniel Goleman, and Annie McKee in “Resonant Leadership.”  They emphasize the importance of deep, empathetic listening that goes beyond just hearing words, focusing on the emotional and relational content behind the communication.

How Are You Listening?

What advice has been given about listening? In his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey emphasizes the importance of becoming a better listener. He advises, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This principle stresses the value of listening with the intent to understand others, rather than merely waiting for your turn to speak. Simon Sinek in "Leaders Eat Last," explores the role of listening in leadership. He advises that leaders should listen more and speak less, to better understand the needs and concerns of their teams. Sinek suggests that listening is a key trait of effective leaders.

Julian Treasure who is a sound and communication expert has delivered popular TED Talks on the art of listening. His work emphasizes the importance of conscious listening and how it impacts relationships, communication, and overall well-being. Should you be looking to improve listening skills, the short TED talk offers practical tips and exercises for improving listening skills, emphasizing the importance of listening in both personal and professional contexts.

Finally, in “You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters,” Kate Murphy explores the importance of listening in a world where true, attentive listening is becoming increasingly rare. She delves into the science and psychology of listening, offering insights into why we often fail to listen properly and how this impacts our relationships, work, and society as a whole. Murphy argues that despite the increasing number of ways to communicate, genuine listening is on the decline. She attributes this to factors such as technology, social media, and the fast-paced nature of modern life, which encourage superficial engagement rather than deep listening. Murphy explains how listening affects our brain, influencing our ability to connect with others, build relationships, and develop empathy. She also discusses the consequences of poor listening skills, including misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of connection in personal and professional relationships. Murphy encourages readers to be more present in conversations, ask thoughtful questions, and resist the urge to interrupt or formulate a response while the other person is speaking.

Overall, improving listening skills can significantly enhance both personal and professional aspects of life, leading to more meaningful interactions, stronger relationships, and greater success in various endeavors.

 

What is an Organizational Coaching Culture?

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Are You Listening?

Organizational Coaching Culture

 

An organizational coaching culture is an integrated approach to fostering growth and development within an organization, ensuring that coaching practices are embedded in everyday interactions and supported by leadership, training, and organizational structures. Coaching cultures are built when coaching is not just a tool used by managers or external professionals but is incorporated into the daily practices, values, and mindset of the entire organization. Organizations looking to shift their culture towards one that is more collaborative, inclusive, and growth-oriented can achieve this through coaching.

Building a coaching culture within an organization offers numerous benefits that contribute to the overall health, productivity, and success of the organization. First, employee performance is enhanced as the focus is on growth and development. Next higher levels of employee engagement and retention result in an increase in job satisfaction and reduced turnover. In addition, organizations known for their coaching culture attract top talent who seek environments that support their growth and development. Third, leadership skills improve though the development of key leader competencies such as emotional intelligence, communication, and strategic thinking. Fourth, organizations experience an increase in adaptability and resilience as teams navigate change while managing stress more effectively.

Finally, coaching helps organizations address issues proactively before they become significant problems. A coaching culture supports sustainable practices by promoting continuous learning and adaptability, ensuring the organization remains healthy and competitive in the long term.

Building a coaching culture is a strategic investment in the organization’s people and overall success. It leads to enhanced performance, higher engagement, better leadership, improved communication, and greater innovation. Moreover, it creates a positive work environment where employees feel valued and supported, contributing to the long-term health and sustainability of the organization.

Puzzled about how to begin the development of a coaching culture? Join us for a webinar on September 4th at 11 AM EST which will focus on how panelists successfully built organizational coaching cultures.
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85249591931

 

 

Emotional Contagion and Drama

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“Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion.”
–Anonymous

Have you ever heard someone say, “I am so tired of the drama?”  In a recent Global IOC survey about the impact of emotional drama on workplace relationships, respondents were overwhelmingly frustrated by the expression of emotional drama at work.  Emotional drama typically involves a focus on interpersonal relationships, misunderstandings, or conflicts that are blown out of proportion, leading to a charged atmosphere where emotions dominate rational decision-making.  When the individual feelings spill over into the workplace, the result can be emotional contagion which involves drawing others into the situation.  Emotional contagion and drama are concepts that can significantly influence group dynamics, especially within organizations, teams, or social environments.

Emotional contagion can create a feedback loop within groups, where emotions are continually reinforced and amplified. As the receiver begins to experience the emotion being expressed by the sender, the brain receives the feedback, and it may internalize the emotion, making the receiver feel as though they are genuinely experiencing it. This process can happen very quickly, often in a matter of seconds.  At this stage, the receiver might not only feel the emotion but also begin to act in ways consistent with that emotion.  If multiple people are exposed to the same emotional cues, emotional contagion can spread quickly within a group. For example, if one person in a team meeting is anxious, their anxiety can spread, leading others to feel tense or stressed, possibly not even understanding why they are feeling stressed.  This collective emotional experience can influence group dynamics, decision-making, and overall atmosphere.

Interaction Between Emotional Contagion and Drama

In situations of drama, emotional contagion can cause the emotions involved to escalate rapidly. Drama often creates a cycle of negative emotional contagion, where negative emotions continuously feed into the drama, making it more difficult to resolve the underlying issues. This can lead to a pervasive sense of negativity within the group.  Leaders play a crucial role in managing both emotional contagion and drama. A leader who demonstrates emotional intelligence can help to contain negative emotional contagion by addressing the root causes of drama, facilitating open communication, and modeling positive emotional behaviors.

It is important to note that emotional contagion can be both a positive or negative expression.  When someone expresses positive emotions like enthusiasm, joy, or confidence, these feelings can spread throughout the group, boosting morale, increasing motivation, and enhancing overall performance.  Conversely, negative emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness can also spread. If a leader or influential team member displays these emotions, it can lead to decreased productivity, higher stress levels, and even conflict within the group.  Knowing that individuals and leaders can influence groups through positive emotions provides a pathway for addressing negative emotional contagion. Although some have challenged the three to one rule for a ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions, Barbara Fredrickson’s book “Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3-to-1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life" highlights the powerful role that positive emotions play in enhancing our lives.

The Evidence is Clear

James H. Fowler and Nicholas A. Christakis in “Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives" discuss how emotions can spread through social networks. The authors argue that our social connections extend beyond just direct relationships and have a significant impact on our behaviors, thoughts, and even emotions, often in ways we might not fully realize.  They also propose that each person’s influence extends out to three degrees of separation in a social network. This means that your actions and emotions can affect your friends, your friends’ friends, and even their friends. This concept illustrates the far-reaching effects of individual behavior within social networks.  Finally, the book discusses how emotions can spread through social networks, similar to the way infectious diseases spread. For example, happiness, sadness, or stress can ripple through social connections, affecting not just those you interact with directly but also those several degrees removed from you.

A second author, Sigal Barsade, who was a Wharton professor and prolific researcher in the area of emotional contagion found that emotional contagion is a powerful force in group settings within the workplace.  Her work demonstrated that emotions could spread among team members, influencing group cohesion, decision-making, and overall performance. Barsade also examined the "ripple effect" of emotions in the workplace, where the mood of one person can spread to others, much like a ripple on the surface of water. Her studies highlighted that even subtle emotional expressions could significantly impact the work environment. Wharton Ready Livecast Series Emotional Contagion with Sigal Barsade (youtube.com)

One of Barsade’s studies which provided strong empirical evidence of the power of emotional contagion in workplace settings was conducted with colleagues. It involved an experiment in which participants were placed in small groups and exposed to an actor who displayed either positive or negative emotions. The study found that the mood displayed by the actor significantly influenced the mood of the entire group, as well as the group’s performance on a decision-making task.

Finally, the work of Richard Boyatzis over the years contributed significantly to the body of work in emotional contagion.  One of Boyatzis’ key contributions is the concept of “resonant leadership”, which he co-developed with Annie McKee and Daniel Goleman. Resonant leaders are those who are in tune with their own emotions and the emotions of others, creating a positive emotional atmosphere. This concept is closely related to emotional contagion, as resonant leaders are adept at spreading positive emotions throughout their teams and organizations, leading to increased engagement, morale, and productivity.  Boyatzis emphasizes the role of emotional intelligence in managing emotional contagion. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are more aware of their emotional impact on others and can harness emotional contagion to foster a positive and motivating environment. They are also better equipped to mitigate the spread of negative emotions, which can undermine team performance and well-being.

Managing and Reducing Drama in the Workplace

How to best manage and reduce drama in the workplace?  First, address issues directly and encourage open dialogue to prevent misunderstandings from escalating into drama. Next, ensure that communication is clear to help to resolve conflicts before they become emotionally charged.  It is critical to establish clear boundaries around acceptable behavior and communication within the group and hold individuals and teams accountable to those boundaries. Focus on building the emotional intelligence skills of self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to manage one’s emotions effectively.  Find constructive solutions that shift the focus from the emotional aspects of the drama allowing for a blend of logic and rationality.  This can help to defuse the situation and redirect energy towards positive outcomes.  Finally, it is essential that leaders and influential team members model calm, rational behavior in the face of potential drama. By not engaging in or amplifying drama, they can set the tone for the rest of the group.

Emotional drama can be highly disruptive and damaging to both individuals and groups. By understanding its characteristics and impacts, and by employing strategies to manage and reduce drama, it’s possible to create a more harmonious and productive environment.

Leader as Coach, Coach as Leader

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If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” —John Quincy Adams

The integration of coaching and leading roles is increasingly seen as essential in modern leadership. Effective leaders often need to be good coaches, helping their teams navigate challenges, grow their capabilities, and reach their full potential. Likewise, coaches who adopt leadership qualities can inspire and drive collective success, ensuring that the development of individuals aligns with the broader goals of the team or organization. Kevin McGarry in “Lead With Purpose” suggests that employees desire a people-centric leadership approach, where communication, transparency, and character-driven leadership are key. He shares that leaders should focus on fostering collaboration, offering support, and empowering their teams to take ownership of their roles and development. By creating an environment where employees feel heard and respected, leaders can enhance both individual performance and overall team effectiveness.

Why Upgrade Leading/Coaching Skills

Enhanced Team Performance

Coaching to performance focuses on enhancing an individual's or team's ability to achieve specific goals and improve overall effectiveness. It involves leveraging coaching techniques to align efforts, boost skills, and drive results. By using coaching techniques, leaders can help their teams align their personal goals with organizational objectives, enhancing overall performance and productivity. When leaders coach, they help their teams to set clear goals and work towards them more efficiently. This often leads to improved performance and better achievement of organizational objectives.

Jim Collins in both “Good to Great” and “Built to Last” contends that great performance comes from focusing on what an organization can be the best at, what drives its economic engine, and what it is deeply passionate about. He also shares the concept of Level 5 Leadership, a style in which leaders exhibit a combination of humility and professional will. A crucial key to coaching to performance is unlocking potential and improving performance through questioning rather than directive management.

Key Talent Retention

According to the Work Institute 2024 Retention Report in 2023 almost 45 million workers chose to leave their employer voluntarily to likely seek work elsewhere. This indicates that a little over 27% of workers in the U.S. chose to quit their jobs in 2023. There is little doubt that a certain number of employees are simply going to quit their jobs annually. The alarming issue is that the number of quits as a percentage of the civilian labor force has increased 37% since 2014.  Coaching can significantly help retain key talent by fostering personal development, increasing engagement, and creating a supportive environment.  Coaching helps retain key talent by fostering growth, engagement, and resilience, while also building stronger relationships and improving job satisfaction. Investing in coaching sends a clear message that the organization values its employees, leading to longer tenure and reduced turnover​.

Problem Solving Skills

Thinking partnerships are designed to empower the team member to think independently. Rather than offering advice or guiding the conversation, the coach encourages the individual to lead the process. This helps with building confidence in decision-making and problem-solving abilities.  In her book, “Time to Think” Nancy Kline focuses leaders on creating a space where team members can freely express thoughts, explore possibilities, and come to their own insights without interruption or judgment. Critical thinking also helps teams think strategically about goals and align efforts with the broader organizational vision.  Support is a component of the coaching thinking partnership as it provides opportunities for emergent and meaningful conversations. The leader coach sees himself or herself as a barometer of where the team member is in with regards to their own thought processes. Questions are asked to draw out deeper, more thoughtful meaningful conversations and take the team member into thinking about future possibilities.  Questions such as “go forward three-six months, you were amazingly successful with clients, what did you do differently that led to that success?” and “what might get in the way of your success?” cause the team member to think both in terms of best-case scenarios while also preparing to overcome challenges.

Focus on Development and Accountability

Coaches must help team members understand the gap between current performance and desired outcomes. This involves looking at skills, behaviors, and external factors affecting performance through the use of performance reviews, self-assessments, and feedback as strengths and areas for improvement are identified.  Coaching techniques can help employees set their own goals and develop action plans, fostering a sense of ownership and responsibility for their own growth.  Understanding what motivates team members can create an environment that fosters enthusiasm and engagement.  In “The Oz Principle” by Roger Connors, Tom Smith, and Craig Hickman, the authors share distinguishing between “above the line” and “below the line” actions.  Operating "above the line" refers to taking ownership and responsibility for outcomes, both good and bad. It is a proactive approach, where individuals and teams focus on what they can do to improve a situation rather than blaming external circumstances.  Acting "below the line" involves making excuses, blaming others, and feeling like a victim of circumstances. Below-the-line behavior is passive and often involves avoiding responsibility and accountability.

Listening Skills

Many leaders who have been part of the Global IOC coaching program admit they have opportunities for growth in this area.  Not simply listening to respond but listening deeply to understand team members' perspectives and needs. This improves communication and ensures that leaders can address issues more effectively. Great listeners also become adept at providing feedback in a way that is constructive and supportive, helping team members grow and improve.  In “You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters,” Kate Murphy explores the importance of listening in a world where true, attentive listening is becoming increasingly rare. Murphy encourages leaders to be more present in conversations, ask thoughtful questions, and resist the urge to interrupt or formulate a response while the other person is speaking.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Coaching skills enable leaders to facilitate open and constructive dialogues during conflicts, leading to more effective resolution and maintaining a positive work environment.  Approaching conflicts with greater empathy, understanding the underlying issues and working towards mutually beneficial solutions also leads to higher levels of team engagement.  By understanding different perspectives and guiding individuals towards mutually agreeable solutions, leaders can address issues constructively and effectively. Patrick Lencioni, in “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” shares that conflict resolution is a key part of building cohesive and successful teams. He argues that conflict is a normal component of team collaboration. Avoiding conflict can lead to artificial harmony, where important issues go unresolved, affecting the team's performance.  Team conflict resolution is about helping individuals and teams navigate disputes constructively, build better communication and emotional intelligence, and foster collaborative problem-solving.

Deepening Relationships

Coaching can be a powerful tool for deepening relationships, whether in personal, professional, or organizational settings. Through effective coaching, individuals can develop better communication skills, build trust, and foster deeper connections. Developing deep relationships with team members leads to increased trust, better communication, improved engagement, higher retention, and overall stronger team performance all of which have been discussed previously in this blog. The emotional and professional support gained from these relationships is essential for creating a thriving, collaborative, and resilient work environment.

Boyatzis and McKee in “Resonant Leadership” focus on the benefits of emotional connection, the authors position the relationship as key to successful coaching which has been proven time and time again in the research.  The resonant coaching leader not only creates resonance with followers but also creates this resonance with self through the process of renewal.  A second team of authors, Kouzes and Posner in “Encouraging the Heart” share this thinking with Boyatzis and McKee.  They contend that effective leader coaches are connected with team members as they demonstrate genuine caring for the team member.  Without this caring, the relationship between the leader and team member may feel more transactional rather than transformational.

The paradox of the leader as coach phenomenon exists in duality in that it is both about the development of self and the development of relationships with others.  Leaders as coaches drive change yet stabilize the team.  They also honor past successes while looking forward to the future.  Finally, leaders as coaches integrate both science and art.  Managing the paradox contributes to its complexity and to the complexity of designing effective leader as coach development programs. 

If you are interested in “sharpening your saw” with regards to coaching and leading skills, contact Dr. Peggy Marshall directly at drpeggy@globalioc.com

The Integral Role of Research in Coaching Practice

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The Integral Role of Research in Coaching Practice

As coaches, our primary goal is to provide the best possible service for our clients. For most professions, the gold standard for achieving this is a robust knowledge base that offers evidence for what works, and for whom. This ensures that practitioners can deliver excellent, sustainable, and individually tailored services to their clients and organizations. Such a knowledge base is established through research—reliable evidence that we can trust, not merely opinion.

However, there is a common perception that coaching practice often surpasses coaching research. How, then, do we advance our field? Over the last thirty years, there has been a significant tradition of practitioner research in coaching. This research is conducted by coaching practitioners within their own practice and is intended for direct application in practice. The pioneering papers on ROI, team coaching, supervision practice, and ethics for internal coaches, to name just a few, were all authored by practitioners. In our field, practitioner research is the norm, not the exception.

So, what might be holding you back from contributing to this wealth of knowledge? When you think of research, what comes to mind? Perhaps obscure terminology, impartial and neutral researchers, or outcomes seemingly disconnected from real-world practice? This perception is not uncommon.

I recall a particularly enlightening afternoon spent with one of my best coaching students. Passionate about her clients and eager to enhance her practice, she argued vehemently that research was unnecessary for her professional growth. Despite my efforts to convey the usual benefits, nothing seemed to resonate with her—until a sudden realisation struck. "Oh, I get it," she exclaimed, "it's about the sustainability of practice, ensuring you are always doing the best for your clients and staying at the top of your game!"

This epiphany transformed her approach to research. Under the supervision of an experienced researcher, she developed a new offer for her clients and earn several professional awards. She could now confidently tell her colleagues, "You can trust my research so much that you can confidently change your own practice to include it." Such a statement is not trivial.

This transformative journey is common among practitioners embarking on their research endeavours, whether as part of an academic program or independently with a Research Coach/supervisor. I recall supporting a group of experienced coaches in South Africa back in 2011. They sought to explore their clients' specific needs in a country still reeling from the legacy of racial segregation. Their research efforts underscored the profound impact of contextual and culturally aware coaching practices.

So, how can we, as researchers, ensure our enquiries contribute to our growth, practice, clients, and profession? One of my current supervisees articulated this challenge succinctly: "How do I make my research meaningful?"

Reflecting on this question, I believe the answer lies not in immediately diving into research questions, instruments, or methodologies. Instead, we must first examine the underlying perspectives and purpose of our research. Once this foundational clarity is achieved, selecting appropriate methodologies and data collection techniques becomes straightforward.

To illustrate this approach, I have developed five basic criteria to guide the design of meaningful research A few examples may help illustrate their use:

  1. What is the Purpose and Relevance of your Research -what do you want to find out and why?

Purpose and relevance may seem obvious but often we don’t dig deep enough into what is core to the work. Clearly you want to find something out – this is the essence of all research. For example, you might explore what your clients find most beneficial in your sessions together or you want to look at the ethical issues faced by the internal coaches you are training? A good initial statement but further reflection is needed to identify why this topic is important to you or your organisation, what need does this fulfill for you.  Are there others for whom your enquiry will be relevant and how are you going to take them into account or collaborate with them. This will provide you with your research aims objectives and questions.

  1. What is the Impact you want? Not just for you but what about others and who are they?

Impact is an intriguing criterion. At first glance it seems straightforward - you want to use the information you gather in service to your clients, but this requires deeper exploration specifically on what type of information you plan to collect. Research only comes alive when shared. It is improved with use and feedback from others and can lead to tangible benefits for all. Consider how to engage others through workshops, conferences or articles/publications. This will influence the format of your research outputs.  Is your audience interested in hard numbers such as ‘30% of internal coaches identified alcohol misuse at work as an issue raised by clients’ or do they prefer richer descriptions of the lived experience of clients in their own words? You now have some idea as to whether your enquiry is quantitative or qualitative and what data collection tools you will need.

  1. How can you be authentic as the enquirer? We all bring ourselves to our practice and will do so to our research so how does that contribute or hinder the work and in what ways?

Being authentic involves the congruence of your beliefs, values, and feelings with your actions. As a researcher, you are personally and deeply involved with the information you collect, influencing the amount, type, and analysis of data. Bias, assumptions, and 'taken for granteds' can hinder your research, leading you to inadvertently set out to 'prove' something rather than engage in genuine inquiry. If these elements take over, the rigor and trustworthiness of your research will diminish. It is crucial to remain aware of these potential pitfalls and strive for rigor and transparency throughout your research process.  One way to work with this is to maintain a sense of ‘wonder’ similar to that employed in coaching. Allowing the uncertain to emerge and the unusual to be seen. Embracing this mindset allows researchers to remain open and unbiased, fostering genuine inquiry rather than preconceived conclusions.

A Research Coach or Critical Friend can be invaluable in this process. Serving as a thinking partner, they can help maintain this sense of wonder and openness, ensuring that the research remains authentic, rigorous, and impactful.

  1. Depth and transcendence? Research is a chance to transcend the mundane -so what assumptions do you want to challenge?

In addition to personal biases, it's essential to scrutinize the assumptions held within specific cultural, social, and economic contexts. For example, we often take for granted that education is universally beneficial. However, the same education system may not serve everyone equally well. Individual needs vary based on learning preferences, social capital, and access to resources. Our favoured system aims to provide the best available education for the majority within tight economic constraints not the most appropriate and tailored for each individual.

Practitioner research, by its very nature, seeks to subvert such assumptions. As the Taoist text Tao Te Ching advises, "A good scientist (researcher) has freed herself of concepts and keeps her mind open to what is." A practitioner is well placed to see the impact of such bias at first hand and be able to identify where change is needed. I often ask practitioner researchers ‘what assumptions about your practice do you want to blow out of the water?’ and the answers are usually thrilling and surprising. This sense of adventure can sustain a researcher through the more difficult and tedious phases of their work, when it's normal to question why you started in the first place.

  1. Continuity and Significance to Self? Does your research have potential to endure and hence is it worth the effort?

Finally, we come to a question rarely asked but one which I believe is essential. Is your research worth the effort? Regardless of the inquiry, learning is inevitable. Even today 40 years after my first research publication I learn something every time I engage in Research Coaching or my own research projects. But this is only part of what research effort can bring to you as a practitioner. To ensure that your research is worth the effort, it should possess appropriate depth, strong purpose for you, and continuity. Consider whether your research has the potential to endure and make a lasting impact on your practice and your field.

This has been a brief introduction to these criteria but hopefully one that has whetted your appetite to start your own enquires. It is probable that you have already developed new and effective practice as you move from novice to master. It is through practitioner research that you can elevate your new practices from opinion generated to evidenced base and achieve the appropriate professional impact. By using these criteria and maintaining authenticity and a sense of wonder, research can become a powerful tool for personal and professional development, ultimately leading to more effective and sustainable coaching practices.

Join us on October 9th at 11 AM EST for a webinar on Practitioner Research presented by Prof Annette Fillery-Travis.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85249591931

Research Box is a podcast for all researchers with Prof Annette Fillery-Travis (an academic research) and Dr Russell Thackeray (a practitioner researcher). Together they discuss these criteria and some other useful frameworks

Written by: Prof Annette Fillery-Travis

 

 

The Power of “No” – Part One

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The Power of “No” - Part One

“The oldest, shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.”
- Pythagoras

Saying "no" is important for several reasons that impact your personal well-being, relationships, and overall balance in life. By saying "no," someone is challenging the norm or standing up for their own needs, values, or boundaries, even when it may feel difficult to do so. Saying no is crucial because it helps protect your time, energy, and mental health while maintaining boundaries, authenticity, and healthy relationships. It is a key skill for personal empowerment, well-being, and long-term success. By learning when and how to say no, you create a life that aligns with your true priorities and values.

In “The Power of No” co-authored by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher, the authors explore how saying no can transform your life by helping you set boundaries, prioritize your well-being, and focus on what truly matters. The authors argue that many people say yes out of fear, obligation, or guilt, and learning to say no is key to personal freedom and happiness. They encourage readers to say no to protect their time, energy, and peace of mind, allowing them to pursue meaningful goals and relationships.

Why Say NO?

Protects Your Time and Energy

If you say yes to everything, you may become overwhelmed, leading to burnout and stress. Saying no helps you prioritize your time and energy for the things that matter most to you. By declining unnecessary tasks, you can focus on what is genuinely important in your personal and professional life, ensuring your efforts are aligned with your values and goals. When you say yes to too many requests, projects, or favors, you spread yourself thin. This can lead to physical and mental exhaustion because you are constantly juggling multiple tasks, which diminishes your energy reserves. Greg McKeown in “Essentialism,” argues that saying no helps you focus on the most important tasks, allowing you to channel your energy into activities aligning with your values and goals, preventing burnout. A question McKeown introduces in his book is to ask yourself which problem do you want to have? We might disappoint someone when we say no and yet if we do not, we may experience burnout.

Additionally, saying no to non-essential tasks allows you to conserve energy for what truly matters. According to Michael Hyatt in “Free to Focus”,  being selective about what you commit to helps you prioritize high-impact activities that require sustained focus. This prevents the scattered energy that results from switching between too many tasks. Multitasking or managing too many projects at once leads to cognitive overload, draining your mental energy. By saying no, you protect your ability to concentrate deeply on meaningful work, thus increasing both your productivity and energy.

Finally, if you always say yes, particularly in a professional setting, you may take on more work than you can manage, which can lead to burnout. Saying no when necessary, helps you maintain sustainable productivity over the long term. Successful individuals often attribute their accomplishments to being selective about what they say yes to. By strategically saying no to distractions, you can focus on high-value opportunities that align with your long-term goals.

Strengthens Decision-Making Skills

Saying no helps you become more deliberate about how you spend your time and make decisions that align with your long-term objectives. Many people feel regret or frustration after saying yes to something they did not want to do. By confidently saying no, you reduce the chances of feeling this way. Regularly saying no helps develop strategic thinking. When you are clear on what to decline, you are also refining your ability to anticipate the consequences of your decisions. This helps you make choices that not only work in the short term but also support your long-term objectives.

Daniel Kahneman in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” discusses decision fatigue and the importance of conserving mental energy for important decisions. Saying no can prevent decision fatigue by reducing the number of trivial decisions you have to make throughout the day, allowing you to focus your cognitive resources on more critical decisions. Kahneman’s research shows that by reducing the number of choices (through saying no), you can make better, more informed decisions when it really counts.

Supports Mental Health

Overcommitting or agreeing to things you do not want to do can increase feelings of stress, anxiety, and resentment. Saying no can reduce these negative emotions and provide relief. When you say no, you are choosing to prioritize your mental and physical health. You make room for rest, recovery, and activities that recharge you, instead of feeling pressured or drained.

Continuously saying yes out of guilt, fear of disappointing others, or a desire to please can lead to “emotional fatigue” and resentment. William Ury in the “The Power of a Positive No” suggests that learning to say no helps preserve your emotional energy by preventing you from taking on tasks that you either don’t want to do or that don’t serve your interests.  Saying no allows you to set boundaries that protect your emotional health. When you decline tasks that overextend you or do not align with your values, you avoid the frustration and stress of being overburdened.

Empowers Personal Growth, Authenticity and Protects Personal Integrity

Saying no builds assertiveness skills, allowing you to stand up for yourself in various situations. Assertiveness is key to self-confidence and maintaining a sense of control over your life. Many people struggle with people-pleasing behavior, always saying yes to keep others happy. Learning to say no helps you break free from this pattern and prioritize your own needs.

Saying no also allows you to be more authentic in your decisions. Instead of going along with things out of obligation, you make choices that reflect your true desires and values. The more comfortable you become with saying no, the more empowered and confident you feel in owning your choices. It reinforces your belief in yourself and your right to make decisions that benefit you. Sometimes, saying yes can lead you to situations that conflict with your personal values or ethics. Saying no helps ensure that you stay true to what you believe in and avoid compromising your integrity.

Finally, when you say no to things that do not align with your priorities, you free yourself up to give a genuine and enthusiastic yes to things that truly matter. This increases your overall satisfaction with the commitments you do make. By not overloading yourself with tasks, you can give full attention and energy to the projects and people that are most important, improving both quality and productivity.

What Are the Challenges to Saying No?

The ability or inability to say "no" often stems from a complex mix of psychological, social, and cultural factors. First, due to fear of rejection or avoidance of conflict, individuals might worry that saying "no" will lead to rejection, arguments, or tension in relationships. There is often a desire to avoid disappointing others or causing discomfort. Next many fear losing approval or being perceived as uncooperative, unfriendly, or selfish. The need to be liked or valued can make saying "no" seem risky. A third issue is that in some cultures, people are taught to be agreeable, polite, and accommodating. This conditioning can make saying "no" feel inappropriate or wrong. Fourth, some individuals feel guilty for setting boundaries, especially if they think their "no" will inconvenience or upset others. The weight of that guilt can override personal needs or desires. Perfectionism and overcommitment may keep individuals from saying no as people who strive for perfectionism or have difficulty delegating may struggle to say "no" because they want to prove their capability or avoid feeling inadequate. This can lead to taking on too much.

In addition, highly empathetic individuals may find it hard to say "no" because they genuinely feel for others' needs and do not want to cause disappointment. They prioritize others' feelings over their own. Adam Grant in “Givers and Takers” shares that Givers may find it difficult to refuse requests because they are motivated by helping others. However, as Grant emphasizes, successful Givers learn to set boundaries and avoid being exploited by takers. Developing the ability to say no is crucial for Givers to maintain their energy and effectiveness in both personal and professional contexts.

Learning to say no is a powerful and essential skill for maintaining healthy boundaries, managing your time, and prioritizing your well-being. It might feel uncomfortable or even difficult at first, especially if you are used to saying yes, but you have every right to decline requests or situations that do not serve you. Learning to say "no" can also be an empowering process that involves building self-awareness, self-respect, and emotional intelligence. It often requires practicing boundary-setting and understanding that it is okay to prioritize your own well-being without guilt.

The Power of “No” – Part Two

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Just Say “No” - Part One

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”

       – Paulo Coelho

Saying "no" is a powerful skill that fosters healthy relationships, reduces stress, and preserves emotional well-being. However, many people struggle with declining requests or setting limits, fearing rejection, conflict, or guilt. Learning to say "no" with clarity and kindness is essential for personal growth, self-care, and maintaining emotional balance.

Saying no is not about rejecting people—it is about choosing yourself and your well-being. By setting boundaries, you create space for what truly matters and build healthier relationships based on mutual respect. Remember, every time you say no to something that does not serve you, you are saying yes to your priorities, well-being, and personal growth. Give yourself permission to say no and experience the freedom that comes with owning your boundaries. Without boundaries, we risk burnout, resentment, and the inability to focus on our priorities.

Wisdom from Authors

In "The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say It, Mean It, and Stop People-Pleasing Forever”, Susan Newman Ph.D. offers tools to help individuals assert their boundaries without guilt, manage requests gracefully, and reduce overcommitment, which often leads to stress and burnout. The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing manipulation tactics that push people toward yes and developing strategies to avoid overwork and resentment. Newman argues that saying no can improve well-being, relationships, and productivity. Through various scenarios—such as interactions with family, friends, or coworkers—she demonstrates how saying no can be done in a way that maintains respect and avoids unnecessary conflict.

A second author, Vanessa Patrick in “The Power of Saying No” introduces the concept of "empowered refusal," providing readers with practical strategies to decline requests confidently and without fear of harming relationships. This approach focuses on aligning refusals with personal values and priorities, helping people navigate social pressures to say "yes." Patrick highlights that humans are socially conditioned to seek harmony, which makes saying "no" challenging, but empowered refusal serves as a valuable skill to manage this effectively.

Patrick shares three core competencies to master empowered refusal. First, recognizing the social and psychological pressures involved or why we say yes when we want to say no. Next, learning to differentiate between meaningful commitments and unnecessary engagements. And finally, using strategies like setting personal policies or framing refusals within a positive context. Patrick's insights are particularly relevant for those looking to build better boundaries without damaging relationships. The book also emphasizes how empowered refusal can enhance one's ability to focus on personal goals and strengthen meaningful connections through honest communication.

A third author, Martha Beck, whose work includes “Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live” and “The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self” emphasizes the importance of saying no as a way to maintain personal integrity and avoid resentment. She shares that many people say yes to requests they should decline, often out of obligation or fear of disappointing others. However, this behavior can lead to frustration and boundary violations. Beck argues that when individuals surrender to external pressures and ignore their inner guidance, they stray from their authentic path.

To manage this, Beck encourages tuning into one's emotions and recognizing resentment as a signal that boundaries may have been crossed. Learning to say no, even when it feels difficult, is crucial for aligning with one's true nature and maintaining well-being. She highlights the need to make conscious choices, even when faced with uncomfortable social pressures, and advises individuals to reflect on whether a request aligns with their integrity before responding.

Finally, Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of saying no as an essential part of maintaining boundaries and practicing self-care. In her work, “Daring Greatly” and “The Gifts of Imperfection,” Brown explores how people often feel compelled to say yes to avoid guilt, shame, or disappointing others. However, she argues that constantly saying yes—especially when it goes against personal needs or values—leads to exhaustion, resentment, and emotional disconnection.

Brown reframes boundaries, including saying no, as necessary for maintaining healthy relationships. She emphasizes that clear boundaries lead to more compassion and connection because they prevent burnout and resentment. She invites the reader to choose discomfort over resentment. She sees no as an act of courage and authenticity, allowing individuals to honor their own needs and priorities.

The Power of Saying No with Confidence 

Learning to say no is essential for protecting your time, energy, and well-being. It is not about rejection or conflict—it is about setting healthy boundaries and creating space for what matters most. Whether you need to decline a request, step back from a project, or protect your personal time, practicing different ways to say no ensures you remain in control of your commitments.

It is important to recognize that saying “NO” is a right not a privilege. You are not obligated to say yes to everything or everyone. Recognize that your time and energy are finite, and it is okay to protect them. Next, saying no may require shifting your mindset from thinking you must say yes, an obligation, to you have the power to choose and no might be the right choice for you. Feeling guilty for saying no is common, but guilt is often a sign of misplaced responsibility. You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions or expectations. When you know what matters most, it becomes easier to say no to things that do not align with your values. Reflect on your core values and personal goals to create clarity around your boundaries. Start small by saying no to minor requests—like declining a favor or passing on an invitation. Practicing in easier situations builds confidence for more challenging moments. Be kind to yourself when you say no.

How to Say No: Practical Strategies for Setting Boundaries

Saying no can feel challenging, especially if you are worried about disappointing others or fear conflict. However, saying no is essential for managing stress, maintaining your well-being, and focusing on your priorities. Remind yourself that it is okay to prioritize your needs, and that saying no is not a reflection of your worth or kindness.  Some people might resist your boundaries, especially if they are used to you saying yes. Anticipate this, and calmly restate your decision without apologizing or explaining too much. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect. People who value you will understand your need to set limits. Those who do not may need to reassess their expectations.

Delay Your Response

Delaying gives you time to consider if the commitment aligns with your priorities, values, and schedule. Sometimes, initial enthusiasm or pressure can cloud judgment, so taking time helps ensure you make a thoughtful decision. In addition, it is easy to say "yes" in the moment, but a delay helps prevent agreeing to something you may later regret, especially if you realize it clashes with other responsibilities. Delaying can also be a practical tactic. You might need to understand the full scope, time requirements, or resources involved before deciding. Pausing shows others that you take commitments seriously and helps establish a standard where people know you will consider requests thoughtfully instead of giving an immediate "yes" or "no."

The Polite but Firm No

Being polite and clear when declining a request minimizes potential hurt feelings or misunderstandings. A polite tone helps convey that the refusal is not personal, just circumstantial. Turning down requests with empathy and consideration reflects emotional intelligence, showing you can handle challenging interactions gracefully. This can inspire respect and set a positive example for others. When you politely decline a request, it demonstrates respect for both you and the other person. It acknowledges that their request is valid, even if you cannot fulfill it, and shows that you value your own boundaries as well. Declining politely yet firmly helps reinforce your boundaries while preventing unnecessary guilt or resentment. It is a way to take care of your needs without offending others. In short, politeness helps maintain trust and positive dynamics, balancing both your own well-being and others' feelings.

Set Rules to Enforce How You Use Time

Referring to personal rules or goals makes your no sound non-negotiable. This makes it clear that your decision is part of a broader principle. Shane Parrish in “Clear Thinking” suggests that we create rules to guide and align behaviors with what matters most. By setting rules, you reduce the mental energy spent on recurring decisions about saying no. For instance, if you have a rule about doing something on Saturdays, when a request for that time comes to you, you simply evoke your rule. Personal rules also build consistency in actions, aligning them with what matters most to you. Consistency not only strengthens habits but also creates a sense of reliability and self-trust. Finally, setting clear rules allows you to manage urges, making it easier to avoid saying yes to something too quickly. These rules create a “default” response for recurring situations, helping you to make better choices more intuitively.

The “No, and Here’s an Alternative” 

Saying no while offering an alternative is effective because it allows you to maintain boundaries without shutting down the conversation or damaging relationships. Offering an alternative also shows that you respect the other person’s needs, even if you cannot fulfill their request. This keeps the relationship positive and signals that you are still supportive. Sometimes a direct "no" can feel harsh or final. By providing an alternative, you soften the message, making it clear that you are not rejecting them personally but rather finding a workable solution. It lets the other person know you care about their goals, even if you cannot commit fully. Offering an alternative response leaves the door open for future interactions and opportunities. It shows that you are willing to help within your limits, making it more likely they will approach you again in a considerate way. Offering an alternative respects both your limits and the needs of others, creating a balanced way to protect your well-being and maintain healthy, respectful relationships.

This blog focuses on the importance and benefits of setting boundaries by learning to say "no." It explores how saying no is essential for self-care, maintaining well-being, and protecting personal priorities. Many people struggle to say no due to fears of guilt, rejection, or conflict, but setting healthy limits allows for less stress, more meaningful relationships, and emotional balance.  Practical strategies for saying no include delaying responses to avoid impulsive commitments, setting personal rules for time use, and offering alternatives to soften refusals. We encourage readers to view saying no not as rejection but as a positive choice to prioritize well-being and nurture relationships based on respect and mutual understanding.