Global Institute of Organizational Coaching

Global Coaching Certification

making change

What’s Your Why?

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“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how”

– Friedrich Nietzsche

Even though clients are feeling the pull towards something different, it may not be enough for them to truly change a behavior. Simon Sinek in Start with Why shares that the “why” we are doing something is the most critical aspect of engaging in the new behavior. He suggests that everything we say and do proves what we believe. While Sinek applies his principles to a corporation, I believe that we can make these same applications to personal behavior change. What are client’s reasons for deciding to make a change? Do you think they are feeling it in their hearts and souls or are they feeling pressure from the outside to become different? When they make your list of “why” you want to change something, are you inspired by the list or do you feel compelled to change to make someone else happy?

Since the “why” is the most important first step in examining what gets in the way of our “whys” is crucial. Borrowing from Kurt Lewin’s change theory, the driving force for the new has to be stronger than the restraining force for the old; meaning your why has to be stronger than your why not. Additionally, Wayne Dyer in Excuses Be Gone shares that the power of our beliefs can keep us in a stuck position which can impact the “why”. Dyer continues with the analogy that these beliefs act as chains restricting us from experiencing our true destiny. When put this way, becoming unstuck is the motivation for us to solidify the “why” and remove excuses from our lives. Do you want to exercise more but believe that you do not have the time? Do you want to eat healthier, but your family won’t eat the healthier foods you choose? Do you want to focus on a change but have too much on your plate? Sometimes these excuses are extremely subtle, and we don’t even realize we are making them. This is a dangerous place to be as they will sabotage change efforts potentially giving us stronger beliefs towards the “why” not being achievable.

However, once you are crystal clear on your “why” and you are ready to leave your excuses behind, you begin identifying your “whats” and “hows”. In order to support your “why” in changing, you have to decide on “what” needs to happen for success. The  “what” to change can sometimes be determined by the problem or issue that is creating the most concern in their lives. This means that ensuring the “what” is something that the client is willing and able to own. Another factor to consider is whether the “what” you are going to change could have an impact on something else that is a problem for you. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, an exercise program will help with that goal. Another example would be if you want to manage your time more effectively, it could have an impact on stress. When zeroing in on your “what” clients have to make sure that the benefit of change outweighs the cost of making it. It is critical that as we make choices about behavior changes we recognize that there is a cost to change. Making a list of what the change requires can help highlight the cost in such a way that you can be realistic about whether you are ready for that particular “what”. Finally, as Jack Canfield shares in Principles of Success, the secret to making your “what” work for you is breaking complex tasks into small manageable tasks in order to create milestones towards success.

The final step is getting clear about the “how”. You have crafted your “why”, you know “what” you are about to change, now the focus is on “how” to do it. As humans, we tend to focus in on one strategy while ignoring ones that might be equally effective. I like the number three when working with clients. What are three routes you could take to accomplishing your goal? Of those three strategies which ones are the best fit for your resources? Which one is the most powerful in that it will give you a quick start towards success? And which one will have the least amount of downside? As we evaluate options, we tend to favor one choice over another. In this step we have to guard against bias that doesn’t take us into complete success and be completely honest with ourselves when making the choice of “how”.  Whatever you choose as your “how”, you have to be able to create excitement about the “how”. Chip Conley in Emotional Equations tells us that in order to be successful at anything we have to have a certain amount of drive or pull towards the new behavior. His equation of “Flow=Skill/Challenge” represents the best of the “how” component of change. Ultimately, you have to have the excitement about the new behavior in order for the new behavior to become part of the new you.

As we begin a new year, think about whether your “why” is strong enough to drive changes in your behaviors especially when facing challenges as you engage in them. Then ensure that your “what” and “how” are aligned with your “why”.

Making Space for Change

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Letting Go

“Was it hard?” I ask.  Letting go?”…  Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real.”
― Lisa Schroeder

In making space for change we sometimes neglect the power of letting go.  Letting go of the person we used to be, along with the habits associated with our daily routines.  It involves spending time getting to know yourself better, understanding what drives you and listening to the nudges guiding you to let go of who you thought you should be and become who you want to be. What do you need to let go of to chart a course for your dreams in 2023?

Update Your Thinking

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Sometimes we have to chart a different course and move away from others’ thinking to making our dreams a reality which requires thinking for oneself.  Seems simple but how often do you really think for yourself?  Do you use others to validate your thinking? Nancy Kline in “Time to Think”  shares that thinking for ourselves is a radical act and definitely not a popular activity.  She adds that many institutions and organizations thwart our attempts to think for ourselves.  Our early development of thinking for ourselves is often obstructed by our parents, siblings, teachers, peers and later on the organizations we work within.  Going against what others think can result in major losses in our young minds and create an environment that going along with others becomes the path of least resistance.

Curiosity also helps us think differently.  Chip Conley in “Emotional Equations” challenges us to be curious about our thoughts as he considers curiosity to be an activity without an intended outcome as well as a process for fertilizing the mind.  Curiosity opens us to learning as we reflect upon our own lives.  When we allow ourselves to let go of being right and become curious, we begin to think differently about ourselves and the changes we are considering making. Once we have created a process for ourselves which allows reflection and then thinking to emerge, we can begin to align our dreams and passions with the direction of change.

Gaining Clarity

“Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity.”
  — James Clear

Many clients find that one of the biggest challenges in making space for change is getting clear about the change they would like to make.  Sometimes there is an inner knowing drawing us towards change yet is obscured by what we are currently doing resulting in confusion.  We may be pulled in so many directions that we often lose sight of our north star while embracing the comfort that stability and certainty bring to us without realizing that impermanence is very real.  The path of least resistance for many of us is to continue along the path of apparent certainty while ignoring the whispers and nudges arising from our passions.

Shawn Achor in “Before Happiness” suggests that clarity arises when we evaluate multiple points of views and then choose the most advantageous view.  In our coaching program, we also use the work of Chip and Dan Heath on decision making which is shared in their book “Decisive”.  What these three authors are sharing is that many times we only explore either/or options for clarity.  When we are looking at only two options we are often biased to one of the options and disregard the other.  However, when we explore multiple views before making a decision, we go deep enough to truly evaluate the best direction for change.

Greg McKeown, in “Essentialism”, also provides us with a framework for clarity.  When we focus on discerning between what is essential and what is non-essential, we ask ourselves which problem we want, recognizing that choice requires letting go of something.  Focusing on what’s essential also encourages to say no to things we really don’t want to do.  We find boundaries as empowering because they allow us to pursue what matters most to us as we align our behaviors with the intended change.  Again, the authors referenced provide guidance for letting go of what no longer is serving us.

Taking Action

Everything big starts little.
            -Author Unknown

All change efforts require a plan.  The purpose of an effective plan is to clarify and focus behaviors on highest priority initiatives and action steps.  This plan becomes your road map to success.  Imagine driving without a GPS-it takes much longer and sometimes we find that we have lost our way.  Therefore, we need a plan prior to engaging in our goals.  Resistance to planning is fueled by our drive to begin immediately on the goal to create instant outcomes.  One of the quickest ways to derail change efforts is to not have a plan for how one will reach success.  It is only when we give structure to our goals by planning the steps to accomplish them do we increase the opportunities for success.

Next, when changing any behavior, we have to be absolutely committed to changing it.  When I think about committing to change, I think about setting aside the time and investing in the plan we have established.  There are numerous applications for investing time in change from David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”  to Moran and Lennington’s “12 Week Year”.  There is also an abundance of writing on building good habits which I believe strengthens our ability to stay committed. Finally, choosing a framework for capturing our behavior is essential to staying committed whether it be a journal or a formal process.

After the plan and commitment to change, managing the goals becomes the final step of action. Several authors have supported the concept of breaking goals down into manageable parts.  Jack Canfield in “The Success Principles” 
advises us to break down our goals in order to avoid being overwhelmed by the expected outcomes.  Milestones will provide the needed forward movement and focus to keep going in the direction of the intended change.  David Allen refers to this process as going from the ‘Big Picture” to the nitty-gritty.  In getting to the nitty-gritty, we focus on behaviors and tools that allow us to accomplish tasks at the level that work really happens.  If these two resources are not enough to convince you of the need to break your goals down, just search the internet on the topic-there are at least three pages of references on how to break your goals down!

How can you use the concepts of making space for change to create a banner year for you?  What tools and resources can you begin to pull together so that you can have a fabulous start to 2023?   Global IOC has numerous resources and faculty that can help with the process of change.  If you have questions, please reach out!