awareness

The Messy Middle Is Where Tools Go to Die

February 4, 2026 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

It’s the beginning of February, and many sources estimate that up to 80% of New Year’s resolutions have already been abandoned. You may be one of them. An important point to consider, most people don't fail at change because they lack information. They fail because they hit the messy middle.

That space after the inspiration fades but before the results arrive. The space where motivation gets replaced by friction. Where clarity becomes cluttered again.

Where progress becomes slower than expected. Where old patterns start whispering, See? You're back here again.

And it's right there—in the messy middle—that most tools go to die. Not because the tools are bad. But because tools were never designed to carry the full weight of human transformation.

The Myth We Keep Buying

In the leadership and personal development world, we are constantly sold the same promise:

If you just use the right model, you’ll get the outcome.
If you just use the right communication framework, you’ll have the conversation.
If you just set the right goals, you’ll stay disciplined.
If you just create the right habit structure, you’ll stay on track.
If you just apply the right coaching tool, your people will shift.

And for a while, it works.
Because early change is powered by energy. By novelty. By hope. By possibility.
The beginning of change is a clean room. It is exciting. It is organized. It is filled with intention.

But then something happens. Life keeps lifting. The inbox fills back up. The team gets reactive again. The family needs something. The body gets tired. The mind starts negotiating. The calendar starts screaming. And slowly, the new behavior starts to feel like an inconvenience instead of a breakthrough.

That’s when people assume they need a better tool. But most of the time, they don’t need a better tool. They need a deeper foundation.

The Middle Is Where Identity Gets Involved

The messy middle is not logistical. It is psychological. It is emotional. It is existential.

Because once the novelty wears off, the change begins to bump into something far more powerful than a lack of strategy. It bumps into identity. And identity is always stronger than intention.

This is where the leader who was excited about delegation starts quietly taking things back. This is where the coach who believed in empowerment starts giving advice again.

This is where the person who wanted to get healthy starts bargaining with their own exhaustion. This is where the high performer who said they were “ready to slow down” starts speeding up again.

Not because they forgot what to do. But because their nervous system doesn’t fully trust the new way of being. Because their emotional wiring is still organized around an older story. Because alignment has not yet replaced performance as the operating system. And the messy middle exposes that.

Why Tools Fail (Even When They’re Brilliant)

I love tools…don’t get me wrong. The Global IOC curriculum is filled with tools. Just ask any former graduate. And yet, over time, we’ve evolved our development process. The APC is where leaders learn the tools. The RPC is where they learn how to think. And the SRPC is where they learn how to see the system that keeps pulling people back into the same patterns.

Because we’ve come to understand something important: tools are designed for execution. For action. For movement. But the messy middle is not an execution problem.

It’s an integration problem.

In the middle, you are not just trying to do something differently. You are trying to be someone different. You are trying to sustain a new rhythm. Hold a new boundary. Stay grounded in a new identity. Lead from a new center.

And that requires more than tactics. It requires internal coherence. It requires a kind of emotional maturity that doesn’t get shaken every time the environment gets loud. Tools can help you start. But tools can’t hold you when the emotional weather changes.

The Middle Is Where Misalignment Reveals Itself

This is also where the truth shows up. Because the messy middle doesn’t just reveal whether you have discipline. It reveals whether the change you’re pursuing is actually aligned with who you are and who you want to become.

Some people burn out in the messy middle because they’re trying to sustain a version of success they no longer believe in. Some people lose momentum because the goal they chose was rooted in approval rather than purpose. Some people can’t sustain the habit because it was built on force instead of rhythm. Some leaders keep “working on communication” because they’re avoiding the deeper truth: they don’t trust their team.

Some organizations keep launching initiatives because they’re unwilling to confront the cultural patterns that keep swallowing them.

The messy middle is not failure. It is feedback. It is the moment where your internal system starts telling the truth.

Sustaining Change Requires a Different Kind of Strength

There is a kind of strength that looks impressive at the beginning of change. The “I’m motivated, I’m determined, I’m doing it” strength. But sustaining change requires a grounded kind of strength. A steadier kind. The kind that doesn’t require adrenaline.

The kind that doesn’t collapse when things get inconvenient. The kind that can tolerate discomfort without immediately needing relief. That kind of strength is built through alignment. Not force.

And alignment is not a concept. It is a practice. It is the practice of returning—again and again—to what is true. What matters. What fits. What is worth sustaining.

The Question That Changes Everything

When someone hits the messy middle, the question is not: What tool should I use? The question is: What is this resistance trying to protect? Because resistance is rarely laziness. It is usually loyalty. Loyalty to an old identity. Loyalty to an old belief. Loyalty to an old strategy that once kept you safe.

When you understand that, you stop treating resistance like an obstacle. You start treating it like information. And that’s where the real work begins.

Tools Don’t Die in the Middle—Misalignment Does

So maybe we’ve been blaming the wrong thing. Maybe tools don’t die in the messy middle because the tools are ineffective. Maybe they die because we keep trying to solve an alignment problem with an execution strategy.

The messy middle is where the inner work begins. And the people who learn to stay there—without dramatizing it, without abandoning themselves, without defaulting to old patterns—become the people who actually sustain change.

Not for a month. But for a life.

Because sustaining impact isn’t about intensity. It’s about coherence.

And the messy middle is where coherence is built.

If you’ve abandoned your resolution, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you may not need a new strategy. You may need a new relationship with the middle.

What I’m Offering Next

By the end of February, Sustaining Impact: From Insight to Alignment will be available in stores. It was written for the people who are tired of starting over, tired of chasing motivation, and tired of feeling like they should be further along than they are.

And in the first weeks of March, I’ll be offering a three-part live session series designed for anyone who finds themselves stuck in the messy middle:

Awareness — seeing what’s really happening beneath the surface
Activation — shifting what you reinforce, repeat, and return to
Alignment — building a rhythm that makes change sustainable

If you’ve been trying to push your way forward, this is your invitation to do something different.

Not louder. Not harder. But more aligned.

Because the messy middle isn’t where change dies. It’s where real change finally begins.

From Selfie to Self-Aware: Seeing Beyond the Mirror

September 19, 2025 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

We live in a culture saturated with images. Every day, billions of selfies are taken, filtered, and shared. We spend more time than ever looking at ourselves through the lens of a camera, yet paradoxically, we may be seeing ourselves less clearly than ever. The mirror we hold up is often external—likes, comments, curated images—but the deeper mirror of self-awareness is harder to find, and harder still to sustain.

Psychologist and researcher Tasha Eurich has studied self-awareness extensively and uncovered a sobering truth: while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only 10–15% actually are. That means most of us are walking around with blind spots we can’t see, repeating patterns we don’t recognize, and wondering why meaningful change feels so elusive. Her book Insight makes the case that self-awareness is not a luxury—it is the foundation for growth, effectiveness, and impact.

And yet, insight alone is not enough. To sustain awareness, we must embody it—in the choices we make, the way we regulate our emotions, and the courage with which we face both feedback and inner truth. This is the work of moving from selfie to self-aware, and it is at the heart of the upcoming webinar designed to guide leaders and change-makers into deeper clarity.

The Two Mirrors of Self-Awareness

Eurich describes self-awareness in two dimensions:

Internal self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly—our values, strengths, patterns, and aspirations. It answers the question, Who am I?
External self-awareness is understanding how we are seen by others. It answers the question, How am I experienced?

It is tempting to privilege one mirror over the other. Some of us live deeply in the internal world, reflecting and journaling, yet never fully receiving how others experience our leadership. Others live in the external mirror, constantly adjusting to feedback, reviews, or audience reaction, while losing touch with their deeper “why.” The power lies in holding both.

The Cost of Missing Self-Awareness

Most of us have worked with someone who lacked self-awareness, and the experience can be exasperating. It may be the colleague who dominates meetings without realizing how much space they take up, or the leader who prides themselves on decisiveness but leaves a trail of discouraged people behind. Sometimes it’s the well-intentioned peer who insists they are “good with people” even as their words consistently erode trust. In every case, the disconnect is clear to everyone but them.

This lack of awareness doesn’t just frustrate colleagues—it actively limits effectiveness. Energy that could go into creativity, collaboration, or growth gets siphoned off into coping, clarifying, or quietly avoiding the problem. Over time, cultures shaped by unaware leaders can feel heavy, reactive, and unsafe.

And yet, here is the paradox: very few of these individuals are malicious. They simply cannot see what others see. Without feedback, reflection, or the humility to question their assumptions, they remain locked in blind spots. The exasperation we feel working with them is really the symptom of a deeper opportunity—for them to grow, and for us to model the kind of awareness that changes the dynamic.

From Image to Identity

The danger of the selfie era is not the photos themselves but the way they train us to manage image rather than cultivate identity. A well-crafted post can convey the right impression for a moment, but sustaining impact requires something more enduring. It requires clarity of self—an anchor not in appearance, but in identity.

Identity work is rarely glamorous. It asks us to wrestle with deeper questions: Who am I when no one is watching? What values shape my choices? Where do I find meaning when the spotlight fades? Leaders who avoid this work often end up trapped in performance, constantly calibrating how they look rather than who they are. Over time, the disconnect erodes trust—others can sense when someone is managing impressions rather than leading from alignment.

The Myths of Self-Awareness

Eurich identifies several myths that keep us from true self-awareness. One is the belief that introspection always leads to insight. In truth, rumination can masquerade as reflection, keeping us spinning in old narratives without moving forward. Another is the assumption that confidence equals clarity—when in fact, the most self-aware leaders are often those who ask the most questions, not those who project the most certainty.

This is where humility and curiosity matter. As James Clear reminds us in Atomic Habits, change is less about sudden transformation and more about small, consistent practices. Self-awareness follows the same rhythm. It is not a revelation we arrive at once but a discipline of noticing and recalibrating.

Beyond the Self: Awareness as Relational Practice

It is easy to think of self-awareness as an individual pursuit. But sustaining impact requires more. Awareness is cultivated in relationship. The feedback of trusted colleagues, the mirror of a coach, the honest words of a friend—these are all part of the process.

Reinhard Stelter, in his work on third-generation coaching, speaks of dialogue as a space of co-created meaning. We see ourselves more clearly when we are willing to be seen by others. Awareness, then, is not only about self-insight but also about relational courage—the willingness to step into conversations that expand our understanding of both self and other.

From Selfie to Self-Aware: An Invitation

The journey from selfie to self-aware is not about abandoning the outer image but about deepening the inner foundation. It is about moving from performance to presence, from curated surface to authentic substance. It is about asking not just How do I look? but Who am I becoming, and how am I experienced by others?

In the upcoming webinar, From Selfie to Self-Aware, we will explore this journey together. We will look at the myths and truths of self-awareness, practical tools to strengthen both internal and external awareness, and ways to shift feedback from a source of fear to a source of growth. Most importantly, we will explore how self-awareness is the foundation for sustained leadership impact—for moving beyond flashes of inspiration into embodied change.

What You’ll Gain in the Webinar

Discover the two dimensions of self-awareness: internal and external. You’ll see why clarity about who you are and awareness of how others experience you are both essential to sustaining leadership impact.
Spot common blind spots and myths that derail leaders. We’ll explore the patterns that make colleagues exasperated—the overconfidence mistaken for clarity, or the rumination disguised as reflection—and uncover ways to move past them.
Shift from managing image to cultivating authentic identity. Rather than polishing what is seen, you’ll learn to anchor in values and meaning, building a foundation that others can trust.
Learn simple, practical tools to strengthen awareness every day. From asking better questions to reframing feedback, you’ll walk away with practices that turn insight into a rhythm, not a rare event.
Build relational courage that fosters trust and impact. You’ll discover how true awareness is shaped in relationship—through dialogue, coaching, and feedback loops that expand not only your self-knowledge but your leadership presence.

A Final Reflection

Take a moment now to pause. Consider your last week. How many moments were guided by an awareness of your deeper values, and how many by habit or image? How often did you pause to ask, What impact am I having right now on the people around me?

These questions are not about self-critique but about self-discovery. They are invitations to move from the surface of the selfie to the substance of the self. Tasha Eurich’s research makes clear that self-awareness is rare, but it is not impossible. It is a practice, a discipline, and a gift we give not only to ourselves but to everyone we lead and influence. And as we grow in awareness, we grow in impact.

To Join us on October 1 at 11 AM EST, click here.
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89306258336?pwd=DKiN81Y6PdmueKawvEa6NQlCaoHi14.1

Are You Listening?

August 22, 2024 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." — Stephen R. Covey

Good listening is often highlighted as a crucial skill across various disciplines, including communication, leadership, education, and more. Michael P. Nichols, in “The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships” argues that good listening can significantly enhance personal relationships by making others feel valued and understood. The way we listen influences what people choose to share and how they express themselves. When someone feels truly heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts honestly. On the other hand, if someone senses that the listener is distracted, judgmental, or uninterested, they may withhold information, be less candid, or communicate less effectively. How do we measure how well we listen? Three levels of listening are often discussed when measuring listening.

Level One Listening

Level One Listening is a type of listening that is focused primarily on the listener themselves, rather than on the speaker. It is considered the most basic level of listening, where the listener is more concerned with how the conversation relates to them rather than fully engaging with the speaker’s message. During Level One listening, the spotlight is on "me": my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others. Level One Listening involves only one question: "What does this mean to me?"

Judith Glaser, in the book “Conversational Intelligence”, emphasizes various listening strategies that foster deeper connections and mutual understanding in conversations. She shares her views of transactional listening which can be understood as a form of listening that is primarily focused on the exchange of information necessary to complete a task or achieve a specific outcome. Level One Listening can be effective in certain situations where quick, surface-level responses are needed, but it is often inadequate for deeper, more meaningful conversations. In coaching, leadership, or personal relationships, moving beyond Level One Listening to more engaged, empathetic forms of listening is crucial for building trust and understanding.

Level Two Listening

The movement to Level Two Listening, Focused Listening, change the focus to the other person. At this level, individuals make their presence known. It can be seen in people's posture when they are communicating at Level Two as both lean forward and are looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world. We listen for words, expressions, emotions, what they do not say. In the words of Gabriel Marcel, a French existentialist philosopher, playwright, and music critic, "When somebody's presence does really make itself felt, it can refresh my inner being; it reveals me to myself, it makes me feel more fully myself than I should be if I were not exposed to its impact." Marcel's ideas on presence, listening, and the mystery of existence challenge us to consider the deeper aspects of human experience and the ways in which we engage with others and the world around us.

Nancy Kline, in “Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind", although not using the exact Level Two terminology, explores the importance of attentive and focused listening. Her concept of creating a "thinking environment" involves deep, focused listening that aligns closely with the principles of Level Two Listening, where the listener is fully present and engaged with the speaker. Another author, Daniel Goleman, in “Working with Emotional Intelligence,” Daniel shares the importance of empathetic listening in the context of emotional and social intelligence. He emphasizes that truly effective communication requires the listener to be fully attuned to the speaker’s emotions and needs, which aligns with the principles of Level Two Listening.

Level Three Listening

During Level Three Listening, Global Listening, individuals listen at 360 degrees. This level represents the deepest and most comprehensive level of listening. This concept is commonly used in coaching, leadership, and communication training to describe a type of listening that goes beyond the words spoken by the individual to include an awareness of the entire environment, context, and energy of the conversation.

When in Level Three Listening, the listener is not just focused on the speaker but is also attuned to the broader context of the conversation. This includes being aware of non-verbal cues, the emotional tone, the physical environment, and the underlying dynamics between the people involved. Global Listening involves using intuition to sense what is not being said. The listener notices the "vibes" or "energy" of the conversation, which can include subtle shifts in mood, tension, or the flow of the dialogue. This level of listening includes being aware of the impact of the environment on the conversation. For example, the listener might notice how the setting, timing, or external factors influence the speaker and the dialogue. Authors who have written about Level Three Listening include Richard Boyatzis, Daniel Goleman, and Annie McKee in “Resonant Leadership.” They emphasize the importance of deep, empathetic listening that goes beyond just hearing words, focusing on the emotional and relational content behind the communication.

How Are You Listening?

What advice has been given about listening? In his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey emphasizes the importance of becoming a better listener. He advises, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This principle stresses the value of listening with the intent to understand others, rather than merely waiting for your turn to speak. Simon Sinek in "Leaders Eat Last," explores the role of listening in leadership. He advises that leaders should listen more and speak less, to better understand the needs and concerns of their teams. Sinek suggests that listening is a key trait of effective leaders.

Julian Treasure who is a sound and communication expert has delivered popular TED Talks on the art of listening. His work emphasizes the importance of conscious listening and how it impacts relationships, communication, and overall well-being. Should you be looking to improve listening skills, the short TED talk offers practical tips and exercises for improving listening skills, emphasizing the importance of listening in both personal and professional contexts.

Finally, in “You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters,” Kate Murphy explores the importance of listening in a world where true, attentive listening is becoming increasingly rare. She delves into the science and psychology of listening, offering insights into why we often fail to listen properly and how this impacts our relationships, work, and society as a whole. Murphy argues that despite the increasing number of ways to communicate, genuine listening is on the decline. She attributes this to factors such as technology, social media, and the fast-paced nature of modern life, which encourage superficial engagement rather than deep listening. Murphy explains how listening affects our brain, influencing our ability to connect with others, build relationships, and develop empathy. She also discusses the consequences of poor listening skills, including misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of connection in personal and professional relationships. Murphy encourages readers to be more present in conversations, ask thoughtful questions, and resist the urge to interrupt or formulate a response while the other person is speaking.

Overall, improving listening skills can significantly enhance both personal and professional aspects of life, leading to more meaningful interactions, stronger relationships, and greater success in various endeavors.