coaching

Detach from Drama

January 17, 2025 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

Detaching from drama requires individuals to consciously break the cycle of faulty interpretation that often fuels unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil. This cycle typically begins with a misinterpretation or distortion of an event, thought, or experience, which is then followed by an emotional reaction that reinforces the initial misinterpretation. From there, individuals construct a narrative around the event, embedding their perspectives and emotions into a story that supports their version of reality. They may then share this story with others, seeking validation and support to reinforce their interpretation. Breaking free from this cycle involves pausing to reflect on the initial interpretation, questioning its accuracy, and separating facts from emotional reactions. By reframing the narrative and resisting the urge to seek validation for a potentially distorted reality, individuals can foster clarity, objectivity, and healthier interactions. This detachment reduces personal stress and helps create a more constructive and drama-free environment.

Cognitive Biases

The root of these distortions often lies in faulty meaning triggered by cognitive and emotional filters. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias, negativity bias, and attribution bias, play a significant role in shaping these interpretations. Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in ways that confirm preexisting beliefs, often leading to selective attention and reinforcement of stereotypes. For example, a manager who believes an employee is not a team player may interpret a missed meeting as proof of their assumption, disregarding the employee’s consistent contributions. Similarly, negativity bias causes individuals to give greater psychological weight to negative experiences, overshadowing positive contributions or intentions. A single criticism during a performance review can disproportionately shape an employee’s perception of themselves or their relationship with their reviewer. Attribution bias further distorts meaning by attributing others’ behaviors to internal flaws while justifying one’s own behaviors with external factors, such as blaming a colleague’s missed deadline on laziness while attributing one’s own to an overwhelming workload.

Emotional Filters

Emotional filters, shaped by past experiences and strong emotions, further complicate the interpretation of events. Past experiences, especially those with strong emotional significance, leave imprints that create mental shortcuts in new situations. For example, someone who faced repeated criticism in the past might misinterpret neutral feedback as negative, triggering defensiveness or avoidance. Similarly, strong emotions like fear, anger, or excitement can skew reality and narrow focus. Fear amplifies perceived threats, anger narrows attention to perceived injustices, and excitement can lead to overconfidence and overlooked risks. These filters can heighten emotional responses, distort perceptions, and create self-fulfilling prophecies that reinforce faulty meanings.

The interplay between cognitive biases and emotional filters often exacerbates faulty interpretations. Confirmation bias can reinforce negative assumptions rooted in negativity bias, while attribution bias can escalate tensions by unfairly assigning blame. These interconnected biases contribute to the drama cycle and hinder constructive relationships. Recognizing and addressing these biases and filters is essential for fostering healthier dynamics in both personal and professional settings.

The Narrative

Creating a narrative to align others with an individual’s perspective often involves crafting a story that reinforces their interpretation of an event, thought, or experience. This narrative typically embeds the individual’s emotions, assumptions, and biases, framing the situation in a way that supports their reality. The goal is often to gain validation, support, or agreement from others, which can reinforce the individual’s perspective and give it greater perceived legitimacy.

While sharing one’s perspective is a natural part of human communication, this process can become problematic when the narrative is built on faulty interpretations or biases, such as confirmation bias or negativity bias. For instance, an individual might present a skewed account of a workplace conflict, emphasizing perceived injustices or omissions while omitting critical context. This can escalate tensions, polarize opinions, and perpetuate the drama cycle as others align with the distorted perspective.

Breaking this pattern requires individuals to reflect critically on the narratives they construct and share. Rather than seeking alignment through emotional appeals or selective storytelling, individuals can focus on fostering open dialogue that incorporates multiple perspectives. Coaches can support this process by helping individuals recognize the influence of biases and emotional filters on their narratives, encouraging curiosity about alternative viewpoints, and promoting clarity and objectivity in communication. By shifting the goal from validation to understanding, individuals can align others around shared realities rather than distorted interpretations, fostering collaboration and belonging.

The Role of Coaching in Detaching from Drama

Coaching plays a transformative role in helping individuals navigate the complexities of faulty interpretations and emotional reactivity, empowering them to detach from drama and foster healthier interactions. A skilled coach can facilitate self-awareness, guiding individuals to identify when cognitive biases—such as confirmation bias, negativity bias, or attribution bias—and emotional filters are distorting their perceptions. This self-awareness is a foundational step in breaking the cycle of misinterpretation and reaction, as it allows individuals to recognize how their past experiences and emotions shape their current responses.

Encouraging mindfulness is another critical aspect of coaching. By teaching individuals to pause and reflect before reacting, coaches help them separate facts from emotional reactions. This intentional pause creates space for clarity and balance, reducing the likelihood of escalating misunderstandings or perpetuating unhelpful narratives. When individuals can step back and assess a situation objectively, they are better equipped to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Promoting perspective-taking is equally important. Coaches can help individuals broaden their understanding by encouraging them to consider alternative viewpoints and empathize with others’ perspectives. This practice not only reduces misunderstandings but also enhances communication and collaboration. For example, a coach might challenge a client to explore the external factors influencing a colleague’s behavior, helping them shift from assigning blame to seeking solutions. Such exercises cultivate a more nuanced understanding of interpersonal dynamics and build stronger, more trusting relationships.

Open communication is another area where coaching can make a significant impact. Coaches can teach individuals how to articulate their thoughts and feelings clearly, while also encouraging them to listen actively to others. This fosters transparency and reduces the risk of misinterpretation, helping teams navigate challenging situations with greater ease. When individuals feel heard and understood, they are less likely to engage in defensive or dramatic behaviors, which helps create a more harmonious work environment.

Acknowledging that experiences and emotions can sometimes distort meaning is a crucial step toward cultivating constructive interactions. Coaches can guide individuals through this acknowledgment, reframing assumptions shaped by past experiences and helping them view situations through a more balanced lens. This shift not only minimizes unnecessary conflict but also fosters fairness, collaboration, and inclusion.

Ultimately, the work of a coach is to help individuals replace reactive patterns with intentional, thoughtful behaviors that align with their goals and values. By addressing the filters that influence perception and guiding individuals toward greater objectivity, coaches enable their clients to build stronger connections, resolve conflicts constructively, and cultivate a deeper sense of belonging within their teams and organizations. In this way, coaching becomes a powerful tool for creating environments where individuals and groups thrive both personally and professionally.

Upcoming Webinar

On Wednesday, February 5, The Global Coaching Network and Global IOC will host a webinar focused on the theme of “Detach from Drama.” This event will delve deeper into the concept of detaching from drama, exploring the cognitive and emotional patterns that contribute to misinterpretations and conflict in personal and professional settings. The session will highlight practical strategies for identifying and addressing these patterns, emphasizing the role of coaching in fostering clarity, perspective, and constructive interactions.

Coaching and Belonging: Building Inclusive Workplaces

January 6, 2025 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

Happy New Year!

I hope this new year brings you inspiration, growth, and connection. Over the holidays, I had the opportunity to dive into a meaningful project—writing an academic article for a book titled “Belonging in the Workplace: Perspectives and Practices.” My chapter, “Coaching to Belonging in the Workplace,” allowed me to return to my roots in research and writing, a process that was both challenging and deeply rewarding.

While I strive to keep my blogs centered on practical coaching applications, I couldn’t resist sharing a few key concepts from the research. The idea of coaching to belonging in the workplace resonated profoundly with me, as it bridges the theoretical and the practical, offering transformative potential for coaches and leaders alike.

Belonging is a cornerstone of human experience, essential for both personal fulfillment and professional performance. Rooted in foundational theories from philosophy, sociology, and psychology, the need for connection and inclusion is universal. Aristotle described humans as inherently social beings, while Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places belonging as critical to achieving self-actualization. In modern workplaces, these principles take center stage as organizations recognize that fostering belonging is key to unlocking the full potential of their employees. Coaching has emerged as a transformative tool for creating the emotional safety, inclusivity, and connection that belonging requires.

Coaching provides leaders with the skills to understand and respond to the diverse needs of their teams. It operationalizes insights from Bowlby’s attachment theory, which highlights the role of secure relationships in fostering trust and collaboration, and extends them into workplace dynamics. Scholars such as Hazan, Shaver, and Bartholomew have shown that strong emotional bonds are fundamental to productivity, engagement, and team cohesion. Coaching bridges these theoretical foundations with actionable strategies, helping leaders foster relationships that enable employees to thrive.

Modern research underscores that belonging in the workplace demands more than surface-level initiatives or policies. Scholars like Shore et al. (2011) argue that belonging requires deep cultural transformation—one where diverse perspectives are celebrated, contributions are recognized, and systemic barriers are addressed. Coaching empowers leaders to embody these changes by promoting inclusive behaviors, identifying and mitigating unconscious biases, and creating equitable environments. Walton and Cohen’s research on “belonging uncertainty” reveals the challenges marginalized groups face in achieving inclusion, emphasizing the necessity of intentional, targeted interventions. Coaching addresses these barriers by fostering self-awareness, teaching inclusive practices, and aligning individual and organizational goals to ensure everyone feels valued and empowered.

Strategies for Coaching to Foster Belonging

Coaching offers a powerful framework for creating inclusive, collaborative, and supportive workplaces. Key strategies include:

Building Psychological Safety: Coaching helps leaders create environments where employees feel free to express ideas, concerns, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or retaliation (Edmondson, 2018).
Encouraging Inclusive Leadership: Through empathy, active listening, and equitable recognition, coaching trains leaders to value and integrate diverse perspectives into decision-making processes (Randel et al., 2016).
Strengthening Team Connection: Facilitating trust, open communication, and shared goals builds a sense of community and enhances team dynamics (Hawkins, 2017).
Addressing Systemic Barriers: Coaching equips leaders to dismantle inequitable structures, from career development pathways to workplace policies, ensuring all employees have access to opportunity (Garrick et al., 2024).
Providing Meaningful Feedback: Constructive and affirming feedback reinforces employees’ unique contributions and demonstrates their value within the organization (London, 2003).
Celebrating Achievements: Publicly recognizing individual and team successes not only enhances belonging but also motivates continued engagement and effort (Deci & Ryan, 1985).
Aligning Values and Goals: Coaching supports employees in aligning their personal values and aspirations with organizational objectives, fostering a stronger sense of purpose and connection (Cable & DeRue, 2002).
Promoting Reflective Practices: Encouraging leaders and employees to reflect on their biases, actions, and intentions fosters self-awareness and supports thoughtful, inclusive behaviors (Clutterbuck & Megginson, 2006).

The Broader Impact of Coaching

Coaching’s influence extends beyond individual relationships, creating ripple effects that shape entire organizational cultures. A culture of belonging has measurable benefits, including increased engagement, reduced turnover, and enhanced innovation. Employees who feel included are more likely to share ideas, take creative risks, and contribute to their full potential. Coaching provides leaders with tools to cultivate these environments, equipping them with skills to lead authentically and inclusively.

Moreover, coaching addresses systemic inequities that prevent workplaces from fully embracing diversity. By helping leaders identify and dismantle structural barriers, coaching fosters equitable opportunities for all employees. This creates a fairer workplace, strengthens organizational reputation, and enhances long-term performance. When coaching becomes embedded in organizational culture, it ensures that diversity and inclusion initiatives are not one-off efforts but enduring commitments.

Embedding a Coaching Culture

While individual coaching interventions are impactful, embedding a coaching culture within the organization ensures long-term success. A coaching culture integrates coaching principles into the organization’s systems, values, and daily operations. Leaders model behaviors that demonstrate inclusivity, transparency, and advocacy, setting the tone for a supportive and equitable work environment.

This approach ensures that coaching becomes a sustainable part of organizational life rather than a one-time initiative. A coaching culture fosters ongoing engagement, supports continuous development, and builds a shared commitment to inclusion and belonging. As coaching permeates every level of the organization, it enables systemic change, creating workplaces where employees feel valued, connected, and integral to collective success.

The Path Forward

Coaching is not just a tool for individual growth—it is a catalyst for organizational transformation. By addressing the relational and systemic barriers to belonging, coaching empowers leaders and employees to create inclusive environments where all voices are heard, contributions are recognized, and individuals are celebrated for their unique strengths. The impact of coaching extends beyond individuals, shaping cultures that prioritize connection, equity, and shared purpose.

In a world where diverse perspectives and collaboration drive innovation, fostering belonging is no longer optional—it is essential. Coaching bridges the gap between organizational goals and individual needs, unlocking potential and transforming workplaces into thriving communities. Organizations that prioritize coaching as a core strategy can expect not only stronger performance but also a deeper, lasting impact on the lives of their employees.

With coaching as a cornerstone, organizations can cultivate environments that inspire, empower, and achieve sustainable success for all.

Bartholomew, K. and Horowitz, L.M., 1991. Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), pp.226–244.

Cable, D.M. and DeRue, D.S., 2002. The convergent and discriminant validity of subjective fit perceptions. Journal of Applied Psychology, 87(5), pp.875–884. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.87.5.875

Clutterbuck, D. and Megginson, D., 2006. Coaching and mentoring: Theory and practice. Routledge.

Deci, E.L. and Ryan, R.M., 1985. Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media.

Edmondson, A.C., 2018. The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Wiley.

Garrick, A., Johnson, W.D. and Arendt, S.W., 2024. Breaking barriers: Strategies for fostering inclusivity in the workplace. International Journal of Academic Research in Business and Social Sciences, 14(2), pp.128–152. https://doi.org/10.6007/IJARBSS/v14-i2/20799

Hawkins, P., 2017. Leadership team coaching: Developing collective transformational leadership. 3rd ed. London: Kogan Page.

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511

London, M. (2003). Job feedback: Giving, seeking, and using feedback for performance improvement. Psychology Press.

Randel, A.E., Dean, M.A., Ehrhart, K.H., Chung, B.G. and Shore, L.M., 2016. Inclusive leadership: Realizing positive outcomes through belongingness and uniqueness. Leadership Quarterly, 27(1), pp.126–141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2015.12.002

Shore, L.M., Randel, A.E., Chung, B.G., Dean, M.A., Ehrhart, K.H. and Singh, G., 2011. Inclusion and diversity in work groups: A review and model for future research. Journal of Management, 37(4), pp.1262–1289. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206310385943

The Power of Curiosity and Connection in Coaching

December 4, 2024 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

By Kelly McGrath, CMO, American Endowment Foundation

In my nearly three decades of experience working with diverse teams, I’ve witnessed firsthand how coaching has evolved into an invaluable tool for personal and professional growth. As our world becomes increasingly complex and fast-paced, the ability to adapt, collaborate, and innovate is crucial. Coaches play a vital role in empowering team members to navigate these challenges, set meaningful goals, and unlock their collective potential. At the heart of effective coaching are two essential principles: curiosity and connection. When coaches embrace these qualities, they foster a transformative environment that encourages exploration and builds meaningful relationships.

The Role of Curiosity in Coaching

Curiosity has always been a driving force in my interactions with teams. It acts as a catalyst for discovery and learning, fostering an environment where team members feel encouraged to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly. Here are several effective strategies to harness curiosity:

Fostering Exploration

Over the years, I’ve learned that asking open-ended questions can transform a coaching session. For instance, rather than jumping to solutions, I’ve found that inviting team members to explore their thoughts deeply leads to richer discussions. This exploration often clarifies their goals and unveils underlying motivations, which is invaluable for effective teamwork.

Creating a Safe Space

Curiosity naturally cultivates an atmosphere of safety and trust. In my experience, when team members sense that their coach is genuinely interested in their stories, they are more likely to show up authentically. This connection enriches the coaching experience, allowing individuals to feel supported and understood, which is essential for meaningful growth.

Encouraging a Growth Mindset

One of the most rewarding aspects of coaching has been witnessing team members embrace a growth mindset. When curiosity leads individuals to view challenges as opportunities, they become more willing to take risks and adapt. I’ve seen firsthand how a culture of curiosity can empower teams to navigate change more effectively.

Challenging Assumptions

Many team members arrive at coaching with preconceived notions about their abilities and the dynamics at play. I’ve found that gently challenging these assumptions through probing questions can broaden their perspectives and empower them to break free from self-imposed constraints.

The Importance of Connection

While curiosity opens the door to exploration, connection lays the foundation for a successful coaching relationship. After years of working with teams, I understand that connection encompasses trust, empathy, and mutual respect. Here’s how to build that connection:

Building Trust

In my experience, trust is paramount in any coaching relationship. Team members need to feel confident that their coach has their best interests at heart. By actively listening and demonstrating empathy, I’ve cultivated this trust, which allows team members to be vulnerable and share their challenges, leading to more impactful coaching outcomes.

Active Listening

I’ve learned that connection deepens through active listening. Coaches who truly engage with their team members not only hear their words but also grasp the emotions and nuances behind them. This level of engagement fosters a sense of value, encouraging team members to fully participate in the coaching process.

Empathy and Understanding

An empathetic approach has been crucial in my coaching practice. Striving to see the world through the eyes of each team member has enriched my understanding of their experiences and emotions. This connection strengthens the bond, enabling team members to feel understood and more willing to embrace change.

Shared Goals and Values

Establishing a connection also means aligning on goals and values. Throughout my career, I’ve worked with teams to define what success looks like collectively. When everyone is on the same page, it fosters a sense of partnership, enhancing motivation and accountability throughout the coaching journey.

Integrating Curiosity and Connection in Coaching Practice

To leverage the combined power of curiosity and connection, I’ve adopted several practical strategies to better equip me to lead and understand more effectively. Here are some of those strategies:

Cultivate Self-Awareness

Regularly reflecting on my own biases and emotional states has allowed me to approach coaching with a more open and curious mindset. This self-awareness enhances my interactions with team members.

Use Powerful Questions

Crafting thoughtful, open-ended questions has become a hallmark of my coaching style. Instead of asking, “What do you want to achieve?” I might inquire, “What excites you about this goal, and what fears do you have surrounding it?” This encourages deeper reflection.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques have improved my ability to be present during coaching sessions. By being fully engaged, I foster both curiosity and connection, allowing for more meaningful interactions.

Create a Supportive Environment

I strive to create a safe, supportive space where team members feel comfortable expressing themselves. Setting ground rules for confidentiality and encouraging honesty has proven effective in nurturing trust.

Embrace Vulnerability

Modeling vulnerability by sharing my own experiences has been transformative. This openness encourages team members to share their struggles, further strengthening our connection.

Curiosity and connection are not just complementary elements of effective coaching; they are essential ingredients for transformative change. By fostering a culture of curiosity, coaches can encourage team members to explore their potential and embrace growth. At the same time, strong connections build trust and create a supportive environment where individuals feel empowered to take risks. Together, curiosity and connection can lead to profound personal and professional development, a journey I’ve been privileged to witness throughout my career.

The Inner Critic

August 14, 2023 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

"Listen to the inner voice that allows you to be you!"
~ Elvis Stojko

What do you say when you talk to yourself? Weird question, right? And yet many authors believe that we talk incessantly to ourselves! Studies have shown that the inner voice can speak at 4000 words per minute. Charles Fernyhough in “The Voices Within” shares that this is 10 times faster than talking out loud. The author adds that this internal voice still has elements of conversation and can contain different perspectives even arguing and conferring. Admit it…you do talk to yourself!

Another author, Ethan Kross, in “Chatter” contends that humans developed an inner voice for the purpose of evaluating their past and to prepare for the future. These inner voices facilitate introspection and reflection allowing us the opportunity to analyze past behaviors and grow from any mistakes while at the same time anticipating when a behavior can create a challenge. So how do these voices go awry? Our brains can only hold so much information and we need the executive functions of the brain to focus on where we want to go. When the internal “chatter” becomes excessive, it takes away our ability to focus on what’s most important.

However, the inner voice can also be a help to us. When self-talk is positive, it can cheer us up when things do not go our way, support and encourage us to try out new ideas and strengthen relationships. Our inner voice can also open us to new perspectives by finding solutions we didn’t think possible and even new relationships that can help us achieve our dreams. It is when we slide into listening to the inner critic voice, we find self-confidence eroding, responding to situations with less grace than usual, and possibly even damaging relationships. This voice makes it difficult to recover from taxing situations and can even lead to miscalculations about events and people.

We must remember that words matter. The words your inner voice uses can become toxic when negative. Susan David in “Emotional Agility” calls the runaway negativity “monkey-mindedness” comparing it to monkeys that swing from tree to tree without a thought about what’s happening or where they are going. When monkey-mindedness is negative, the internal chatterbox as David calls it, continues to add fuel to the fire of the negative thinking building with each thought. The mind quickly moves from past grievances to assumptions of the future without checking for evidence. The language is judgmental and is laden with could’ve, would’ve and should’ve. As a coach, I frequently scan my own inner voice and that of my clients to assess the tone, tenor and judgement of that voice. This is also true for what is spoken out loud. Stop for a moment and reflect on what your inner voice is sharing with you right now. Where is your focus?

Ideas For Calming the Inner Voice
Monitor your Thoughts

Edith Eger in “The Gift” offers that our thoughts and beliefs determine and frequently limit how we feel, what we do and what we think is possible. Being able to notice what our thoughts and beliefs are telling us is a step in the right direction to calming the inner voice. Steven Hayes in “A Liberated Mind’ shares that we need to shift from a focus on what we are thinking and feeling to focusing on how we relate to what we think and feel. Like Eger, placing emphasis is on learning to step back from what you are thinking, notice it, and open up to what you are observing about the experience without judging. Hayes suggests that efforts to avoid or control our thoughts or feelings are ineffective. Rather, he proposes that we need to focus our energies on taking positive actions that can alleviate our distress. Kross shares that being able to distance yourself from your thoughts can help to turn down the chatter. Knowing what works for you whether it’s going for a walk or a drive, listening to music or deep breathing exercise may help you reframe the experience and gain perspective.

Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Work

This is a critical skill-the avoidance of comparing yourself with others. In all walks of life, there are going to be people who have it better than you while some have it worse. David, from above, guides us to keep our eyes on our own work. If you must compare, think about how you might build the quality/ability you think is missing from your life. For example, if you think someone is a better leader, what leadership skills can you add to your quiver?

Surround Yourself with Positive People.

Shawn Achor in “Big Potential” shares that having motivated, highly engaged, and creative people around you has a positive influence on your own attributes. These people can be inspirational, support you when times are difficult, and help to bring out the best version of you. If this is one of the ways you want to calm your voice, having a number of these people in your life will create a multiplying effect on your potential.

Celebrate Yourself

Track your achievements throughout the day, week and month. The size doesn’t matter, only your acknowledgment of successes. Most people do not stop to recognize how far they have come before moving on to the next thing. The question of “what are you most proud of” is often met with how the mark has been missed in some way. By celebrating even the smallest of achievements, we build a pathway to celebrating the bigger accomplishments. It’s a strength to pause to celebrate before taking on the next challenge.

Release the Shoulds

Too many people “beat up” on themselves with the words should have, could have, or would have. These words indicate a sense of failure and take the individual into a downward spiral. These words talk about the past and not what is possible for the future. I have worked with clients, who while trying to relax, maintain a constant stream of inner chatter about what they “should be doing”. My guidance has always been to assess whether you need to relax or take action. You are either doing something or you are not. It is important to not make yourself feel bad by ruminating about the things you are not doing. If relaxation is the goal, releasing the “should be doings” will provide the space for peace.

Practice Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff in “Fierce Self-Compassion” shares that self-compassion contains three components; kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Kindness allows us to comfort and soothe ourselves when we are experiencing difficulties. Common humanity gives us the wisdom to recognize that we are not alone in our struggles and that many are experiencing shared human experiences. Finally, mindfulness takes us back to our thoughts and feelings to determine how we want to process them. Most people can offer compassion to others when they make mistakes, forget important events, and are not able to perform at their best. And yet, they find it difficult to offer the same compassion to self. A good question is to ask yourself, “how would I handle this situation if my best friend was experiencing it”? Then give yourself that compassion.

A quote attributed to Socrates is “Is it kind; is it true; is it necessary?” While this is an awesome question to ask yourself before sharing with others, it is even more important to use this filter with yourself. As you reflect on your thoughts today, ask yourself these three questions. If you respond no to any of them, then it’s time to challenge the thoughts you are having and create ones that fit this filter.

Emotional Triggers

July 18, 2023 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl

On any given day, you might experience a variety of emotions often which are connected to specific events or people. When the emotions arouse an intense negative reaction or trigger, we may feel our mood change quickly. Being able to name the trigger and then educating yourself about the potential reasonable responses to it is the first step navigating unpleasant situations and interactions.

Triggers

David Richo in “Triggers: How We can Stop Reacting and Start Healing” defines a trigger as “any word, person, event or experience that touches off an immediate emotional reaction”. Emotions being felt run the gamut of a range of emotions which include anger, fear, panic, humiliation and even shame. The author shares that “trigger” is an appropriate term for what is happening as the “gun” is in the hands of someone else. The person, situation or thought is actually pulling the trigger. Our reactions to triggers can last a short moment or lapse into minutes or hours. The duration is determined by how often we have experienced the trigger and our typical reaction to it. Reactions are based upon the beliefs, assumptions, projections, and the meaning we assign to the trigger. For example, a direct report may become angry when not acknowledged as his/her boss moves through the office in the morning. The interpretation is that “my boss doesn’t care about me”. A turn-around we use in our coaching curriculum is found in the work of Byron Katie. It is four sentences “Is it true; is it really true; how do you feel when you think that way; how would you feel if you didn’t think that way?” This reframe can stimulate thinking about other ways to react to what is happening.

Hooks

A second author, Susan David in “Emotional Agility” calls these triggers “hooks”. She shares that our four biggest hooks are blaming our thoughts for action or inaction, incessant chatter in our heads, old outgrown ideas, and beliefs about ourselves and hanging on too long to believing we are right. These four hooks circulate through our minds like a movie inside our heads. The movies can translate into narratives that are fueled by self-defeating thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. When we experience the same story continually, we start to believe it without questioning ourselves about its truth. Then when we experience the story in real life, BOOM, the emotions are off to the races. David believes that emotions making the connection to past experiences can confuse the mind with regards to what is happening in real time.

Emotional Inflammation

Taking a similar approach to triggers, Lise Van Susteren and Stacey Colino in “Emotional Inflammation” share that emotional triggers have commonality in the feelings they bring about with regards to discomfort and a rapid acceleration of emotions. The challenge becomes that just thinking about a stress event can set off the physiological response we call fight, flight, or freeze. This response can lead to a state of hyperarousal creating health impacts that affect the entire person-physically, mentally, and emotionally- as stress hormones circulate throughout the body. The authors add that triggers can combine to fuel inflammation without our awareness of what is happening. Bringing triggers to full conscious awareness allows for a number of positive ways to heal triggers.

Healing Triggers

Susteren and Colina offer strategies that can help in expressing and regulating emotional responses. First, alter your vocabulary in describing the situation and emotion. They also invite you to revisit your history by asking a few questions such as: What just happened? Why am I suddenly feeling what I am feeling? What was I doing or thinking about before I began to feel this way? Now explore the connection to what has happened in the past. What are the similarities of experiences and reactions to previous encounters? The authors add that we must be detectives in surfacing what is happening as many individuals tend to hide painful triggers from themselves.

Similarly, Marc Brackett in “Permission to Feel” guides us to be “emotion scientists”. As the name suggests, we should be willing to experiment and learn everything we can about emotions. Most importantly, this involves being open-minded. We don’t need to judge whether an emotion is good or bad, right, or wrong, productive, or non-productive. Once we recognize that we are experiencing an emotion, the next step is to understand where it is coming from. Learning about our emotions can lead to more effective interactions with others and triggering situations, albeit slowly.

This work happens slowly because our brains scan for what’s wrong instead of what’s working due to evolution. Dr. Rick Hanson: The Neuroscience of Lasting Happiness shares that in the past if we were not vigilant about what could be a danger, the danger could end our lives. While that is not the case in our present lives, we still tend to examine situations from a negative mindset which can set off emotional triggers. Once the emotional triggers have been activated the amygdala goes into action to produce the flight, fight, or freeze phenomenon. None of these three responses take us into successfully navigating emotional situations. In fact, once the amygdala begins secreting the hormones needed to respond, the thought center of our brain begins to shrink making it difficult to give a rational reaction. Thus, the work we do to heal takes place over time through focused effort.

90 Second Rule

This blog would be remiss if it did not share Jill Bolte Taylor’s work in controlling triggers. She believes that the first 90 seconds after an upsetting event are crucial for choosing to engage the trigger or not. In her videos, she shares that it takes only 90 seconds for the chemical release of stress hormones from the trigger to clear our bodies. That sounds like a short time for those of you who may feel it for a longer period. The secret is to examine what you are experiencing and move your thoughts to something else more positive. If you keep thinking about the experience, your body will keep secreting those hormones and lengthen your experience of those chemicals.

Many of us have triggers that pull us out of our comfort zones. They cause us to feel strong emotions and before we know it we are reacting to the triggers. Being able to anticipate our emotions allows us to express and regulate them more effectively. Developing emotional agility including the ability to recognize, understand, label, express and regulate negative emotional patterns results in strengthening our emotional intelligence muscle and creates more successful relationships with self and others.

Building a Successful Coaching Culture

January 4, 2023 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

Building Coaching Cultures

In November, the Global IOC blog highlighted the need for leaders to develop coaching skills. Interestingly, in the work the Global IOC does with leaders, most leaders who begin the coach development programs share that they are already coaching. Yes they are! And yet, there are opportunities to strengthen innate coaching skills in formal coach development programs. For example, our Essential Leadership Coaching Skills program focuses on differentiating between positive and negative emotional attractors. Did you know that when someone hears a negative comment or interprets it as negative, his or her brain goes into flight or flight? This is huge when coaching direct reports. Participants also learn the difference between being a critical thinking partner and being a director of others’ behavior. The following discussion will focus on how to expand the coaching practices beyond an individual leader into the entire organization.

What Organizations Will Need in 2023

Our volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous (VUCA) world will continue in 2023. Additionally, many of the issues that troubled organizations will continue to impact them. LinkedIn shared a few workplace trends that they see coming for 2023. They include; retention of key talent, employee wellness including mental health initiatives, company culture enhancements including diversity, equity and inclusion programs and hybrid work. Creating coaching cultures can help to address these continuing and emerging trends. Coaching cultures provide adaptability with pace of change, actions for closing knowing-doing gaps, delivering targeted individual just-in-time development, increasing the range, effectiveness and flexibility of leadership behaviors, and acceleration of performance.

Why focus on a coaching culture?

Investing in a coaching culture has a direct impact on the organization’s bottom line. In research conducted by the Association for Coaching, the quantitative benefits of coaching as identified by the buyer were increased productivity, reduced costs in managing direct reports and other associated costs of management. The qualitative benefits exceeded the hard costs resulting in better people management skills, higher motivation, enhanced client relationship skills, and stronger alignment with organizational mission and objectives.

In today’s environment retaining top performing employees is critical to success. A Fortune 100 company found that losing just one key player can result in a $250,000-$500,000 loss for the firm depending on the role. Beyond key talent retention, they found that investing in a coaching culture resulted in higher annual revenues (when compared to peer groups), continued improvement of engagement scores, increased in customer enthusiasm metrics, and improvement in key performance indicators year over year. The Sales Executive Council suggests that 87% of training is lost within a month without on-the-job reinforcement. This number can also be found in a few research studies. When coaching becomes part of a culture, the reinforcement of learning leads to sustainment of expected behaviors.

What differentiates a coaching culture from coach training?

Coach training programs can only go so far in aligning organizational strategies with behaviors and closing knowing-doing gaps. As a result, many organizations are investing in building coaching cultures in order to create long term sustainment of new behaviors. Coaching cultures are not simply a stated organizational goal rather they are built to serve the core strategy of the organization. Coaching cultures bring together the elements of how managers, leaders, associates and other stakeholders engage one another. In other words, coaching occurs at every level, is used with individuals and teams to advance initiatives and is built into strategy documents. Coaching cultures are led by senior level managers who integrate and cascade the changes throughout their own teams. Coaching is built foundationally on consistent training along with tactics, goals and measures to ensure consistency broadly across the organization. In coaching cultures, coaching is integrated seamlessly with other people management processes. Finally, successful coaching cultures build recognition and reward programs into the culture.

Integral to building any coaching culture is a coach development program that provides leaders with the most effective way to develop teams, drive performance, and retain key talent. As leaders develop in their own coaching success, their coaching behaviors and insights lead to more motivated people, increased job satisfaction, higher levels of engagement and a strengthening of bonds between individuals, teams and the organization.

Building a Culture

Megginson and Clutterbuck in “Making Coaching Work: Creating a Coaching Culture” shares five components that must be built into a coaching culture. First, link coaching to business drivers by ensuring that coaching becomes part of strategy, processes, and high performance. Second, support for coaching is driven by both the leader and direct report in a strong relationship of development. Third, leaders at all levels of the organization are provided with coach development from core skill to advanced skill training along with continuing education and oversight for those skills. There is a movement from directive coaching to coach as thinking partner as leaders develop capabilities rather than basic competencies. Fourth, recognition and reward for coaching needs to be built into performance plans and annual bonuses. Finally, a systemic approach to coaching emerges in which the culture becomes embedded and coaching becomes the norm throughout the entire organization.

One of the challenges to building a coaching culture is where to locate the program within the organization. In most organizations, it resides with the Human Resources team while in others it might be led by the Training and Development team or a leader who champions the culture. In any case, Hawkins adds a few suggestions to that of Megginson and Clutterbuck. A sponsor for the coaching culture must be invested in seeing the development from the beginning stages until the culture becomes embedded or the norm. Second, the organization must develop a vision of an aspirational culture while measuring current culture. It is critical to know the starting point along with the vision for the future. Third, Hawkins recommends that outside coaches assist the stakeholders and senior leaders as they collaborate to guide the structure of the coaching culture. The external coaches will also develop the internal coaching programs necessary for sustainment of the culture. Building a culture takes time, stakeholder sponsorship, and support of leaders at all levels in the organization.

If you are interested in learning more about building a coaching culture in your organization, Global IOC has an upcoming webinar on January 11^th at 11 AM EST. To join this webinar, click on this link:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82601361760?pwd=dDhnQlZxcVF3STY3OEEvUERJcUFOUT09

Use of Assessments in Coaching

March 26, 2022 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

Assessments in Your Toolbox

Assessments are an essential resource for the coaching toolbox. They provide us with a starting point for helping clients develop a deeper understanding of self and sometimes others. Assessments provide coaches with baseline information about the client and can deliver various details about personality, leadership styles, interpersonal communication style, strengths, and stage of development. There are numerous choices available for the coach to use in practice. The most important factor is that the coach develops expertise in the use and application of the assessment. The remainder of this article will focus on formal assessments available for the coach practitioner.

Myers-Briggs

The MBTI assessment helps clients identify natural preferences in four areas of personality. The extroversion/introversion dyad is determined by how the client directs and receives energy. A focus on the outside world, interacting with people and taking action is considered extroverted while focusing on the inner world and reflecting on ideas, memories, and experiences would be considered introverted. The process for taking in information determines the sensing/intuitive dyad. Perception using the five senses would be sensing while seeing the big picture and looking for relationships and patterns is intuitive. The thinking/feeling dyad is determined by how a person decides and arrives at conclusions.

Logically analyzing the situation is considered thinking while considering what’s important to the people involved is considered feeling. The final dyad is perceiving/judgmental. Approaching the outside world in a planned, orderly way fits the judgment domain while a more flexible, spontaneous way is considered perceiving. Once the client has completed the MBTI, the natural preferences of the individual are sorted into 16 distinct personality types. In understanding natural preferences, clients can use the information to strengthen and enhance both personal and professional relationships as well as create developmental plans for growth.

DISC-Values

The DISC assessment is a behavioral assessment tool which identifies four types: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness. In describing the differences between the behavioral types, the tool emphasizes the uniqueness of each type and while expanding upon what is needed and expected by the behavioral type. Communication between and among types improves when an understanding of others based upon their type is achieved. It is through understanding ways to adapt to different behavioral types that tension is reduced and increased cooperation and trust in relationships can be built. The results from the values assessment helps individuals better understand their value hierarchy and belief systems. The values that are measured are aesthetic, economic, individualistic, political, altruistic, regulatory, and theoretical. Values are what drives an individual and are expressed through the personality. During the debrief, the coach connects what is valued to how it is expressed. When the DISC assessment is combined with the Values assessment, a full spectrum of behaviors and values can be introduced to a client for a deeper understanding of self and opportunities for development.

Strength-Finders

A third assessment that Global IOC often uses with corporate clients is Strengths Finders. This assessment was developed from Gallups’s 40-year study on human strengths which brought rigor and robustness to the assessment. The Gallup Organization research suggests that the most effective people are those who understand their strengths and behaviors. It is through this understanding that individuals can develop strategies to meet and exceed the demands of their daily lives, their careers, and their families. Strengths Finders focuses on understanding of natural talents that lead to insight into the core reasons behind consistent successes. The Strengths Finders assessment provides the client with the five highest rated strengths out of 34 so that development can be inclusive of the strengths. Gallup found that individuals who know their talents and have the opportunity to use them at work are six times as likely to be engaged in their jobs. Gallup has also found that individuals who know their talents and have the opportunity to use them at work are three times as likely to report having an excellent quality of life.

Hogan

The Hogan assessment suite evaluates personality from both the inside-actor’s view and outside-observer’s view. The Hogan assessment suite is a compilation of three instruments that are based upon consistent observations across a wide range of jobs, individuals, and industries. The suite can help organizations and individuals evaluate strengths and weaknesses, identify high potential employees and leadership candidates, uncover motivations and values, and discover derailers to prevent negative impacts of future performance. The three suites include; Hogan Personality Inventory which describes how we relate to others when we are at our best, the Hogan Development Survey (HDS) measures 11 derailing tendencies that can impede career success and interpersonal effectiveness and the Motives, Values, Preferences Inventory (MVPI) describes personality from the inside – the core goals, values, drivers, and interests that determine what we desire and strive to attain.

Enneagram

The Enneagram assessment measures nine personality types defined by a particular core belief about how the world works. This core belief drives a client’s deepest motivations and fears — and fundamentally shapes a person’s worldview and the perspective through which they see the world and the people around them. It is through understanding specific Enneagram types, that a client can explore how the type impacts perceptions of the world and open up to respond to situations and challenges differently. Personality assessments help clients understand not only their own behavior but the behavior of others which can reduce or eliminate conflict. Similar to DISC, the Enneagram also shows how clients react to stress and how they might adapt in future stressful situation. The Enneagram is widely used in corporate environments. In business contexts it is generally used to gain insights into workplace interpersonal dynamics, improve communication and self and team development activities.

Global IOC is a strong proponent of the use of assessments in coaching as it provides both the coach and client with a starting point for reflection then action. However, the use of assessments needs to match the situation and coaches need to develop expertise with assessments along with creating an understanding with the client about purpose and expectations for use. Also, for Global IOC the assessments have to pass the reliability and validity measures in order to be used. The key question is “will it simply be discussed and placed on a shelf or will the coach weave in the information in future development opportunities”?

Global IOC will be hosting a webinar on April 6 to discuss at a deeper level the assessments covered in this blog. Zoom call https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83239074707

Another Year Over, Celebrate Your Successes

December 23, 2021 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

Hi Everyone!

One of my favorite December songs is “Happy Xmas” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The lyrics start with

“So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun”

Every year when I hear this song, I begin to think about what “I have done” and whether I accomplished the most important things in terms of what I set out to do. There is not a better time for reflection then, at the end of something and the beginning of the new. I know most of you are thinking-“Is she crazy-doesn’t she realize how busy my schedule is?” I certainly do as my schedule is also full. However, if we don’t set aside time for reflection we risk moving into 2022 without a solid evaluation of what’s working in our lives and what is not. As a result we may be destined to repeat 2022 in the same manner that we moved through 2021. Jack Canfield in “The Success Principles” shares that we have to keep score in order to know whether we are creating and reaching goals and part of keeping score is evaluating what we have accomplished. What does your score sheet look like and does it measure what matters most to you?

Keeping score also allows for the process of reflection. Reflection is an important component of how adults learn. We learn from not only from our experiences but also from the interpretations and reinterpretations of those experiences. When we pause and reflect upon circumstances and then apply a different framework to our circumstances we can create new ways of acting and thinking. Using the process of reflection and introspection on an on-going basis leads to increased levels of awareness, insight, and self-acceptance. Many times these moments of reflection can result in epiphanies from which we can chose new thoughts and behaviors. Bob Rotella in “How Champions Think”.

adds that champions self-evaluate and reflect after setting their own standards and do not simply wait for others to provide evaluations in order to move forward into success. What is your process for reflection and self-evaluation?

The end of the year also brings us to a time for celebration. How do you celebrate your success? In a recent meeting with leaders within an organization I work with, leaders were asked how they celebrate. Many did not have a response. When we asked “why”, a couple of obstacles were shared. The first obstacle was there is not enough time. Celebration requires planning and typically ends up at the bottom of a list. They also share that they sometimes hold back celebrating until projects are completed and goals are met. Their thinking was that celebrating too early could lead to a loss of momentum. There have been numerous articles written about the importance of rewarding ourselves when we are making progress not just at the point of completion and that this celebration actually builds momentum. John Norcross in “Changeology” shares that early on in reaching milestones, rewards need to be immediate and intense while later on in a more stabilized change effort rewards are more meaningful. How comfortable are you with celebrating and rewarding your self? In what ways do you reward progress and celebrate success?

As you prepare for 2022, don’t forget to reflect upon 2021 successes. One of the best ways to create our future is to leverage what we know about our past successes! Celebrations can help to rewire our brains so that our focus is on what leads to success rather than what is missing. Shawn Achor in “The Happiness Advantage” relates that this rewiring creates what he calls the positive tetris effect and sets us up for happiness, gratitude and optimism. As you are making plans and setting goals for 2022, make sure you build in time for rewards and celebrations!

Wishing you the happiest of holiday seasons and looking forward to an awesome 2022 with you!

Dr. Peggy