Global Institute of Organizational Coaching

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Leading and Coaching Across Difference: The Practice of Shared Meaning

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In every organization, difference is both a mirror and a catalyst. It reveals who we are, what we assume, and how we listen. It invites us to move beyond comfort into connection. Leading and coaching across difference isn’t about managing diversity or navigating difficult conversations—it’s about cultivating awareness, curiosity, and shared meaning in spaces where understanding isn’t automatic.

We don’t need more techniques for handling difference; we need deeper ways of seeing.

Seeing Deeply

David Brooks writes about the art of seeing others—of moving past our projections and categories to truly know another person. In How to Know a Person, he calls this act “moral knowledge,” a way of recognizing another’s interior world.

That’s where leadership across difference begins. Not with a plan, but with presence.

To lead across difference, we first have to see across it—to notice what is unfamiliar without rushing to make it familiar.

Coaching across difference begins with questions that open, not close:

  • “What does this experience mean to you?”
  • “How has your background shaped the way you see this?”

When people feel seen, they soften. When they feel categorized, they protect. Seeing deeply invites the nervous system to settle so conversation can become real again.

Speaking with Care

Jefferson Fisher’s work on The Next Conversation reminds us that communication isn’t about being right—it’s about being effective. When tension rises, the next conversation either deepens trust or widens the divide.

Leading across difference requires language that connects rather than convinces. It means listening for what’s unsaid as much as what’s spoken, slowing down when the impulse is to defend, and remembering that the goal is not to agree but to understand.

In coaching, I often return to a simple anchor: when emotion rises, inquiry restores balance.

  • “Help me understand what’s important to you right now.”
  • “What part of this feels misunderstood?”

These questions turn conflict into connection and difference into data for reflection.

The Chemistry of Trust

Judith Glaser, in Conversational Intelligence, helps us understand why this matters so deeply. Every conversation activates chemistry. Trust increases oxytocin; threat increases cortisol.

When difference is present, the brain scans for danger. If it senses judgment or exclusion, the prefrontal cortex—the part that reflects and reasons—goes offline.

This is why logic rarely changes minds, but presence does.

When people feel safe enough to be curious, the conversation shifts from self-protection to co-creation.

We stop trying to prove and begin to explore.

In practice, this means noticing when the conversation tightens and pausing before pressing forward. It means naming what’s happening: “It feels like we might be losing each other—can we take a breath and begin again?”

That moment of awareness restores the possibility of trust.

Owning Our Lens

Vernā Myers reminds us that “diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance.” But even more than that, inclusion begins with awareness of our own lens.

Each of us interprets through a lifetime of experience—our culture, identity, upbringing, and opportunities. We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are. When we lead or coach across difference, we must be as curious about our own perspective as we are about someone else’s.

Ask yourself:

  • “What assumptions am I bringing into this space?”
  • “Whose experiences might I be unconsciously centering?”

Inclusion isn’t a skillset—it’s a discipline of reflection. It’s the willingness to see how meaning is made differently across perspectives, and to honor those differences as sources of wisdom rather than conflict.

Learning Through Difference

bell hooks wrote that learning happens at the intersection of discomfort and care. Difference, she said, isn’t an obstacle—it’s an opening.

When leaders and coaches view difference as a shared classroom, something shifts.

The goal isn’t to correct another’s view but to expand everyone’s field of understanding.

In these moments, discomfort becomes data, not danger. It signals that something true is being surfaced—something worth staying with.

In coaching, I often find that meaning emerges not from what we teach but from what we discover together. When both people remain open to being changed by the conversation, growth becomes mutual.

Meaning-Making: The Bridge Between Us

Every difference is, at its core, a difference in meaning. Meaning-making is the invisible bridge between worldviews, experiences, and truths. It’s how people make sense of what happens—and how that sense shapes what happens next.

In coaching and leadership, our work is not to impose meaning but to reveal it.

When a story or conflict arises, the most powerful question is often:

  • “What does this mean to you?”

It’s astonishing how much unfolds when we ask that with genuine curiosity.

Sometimes, people realize they’ve been living inside an old interpretation that no longer fits. Other times, they discover that two seemingly opposite truths can coexist.

Shared meaning doesn’t erase difference—it integrates it.
It allows us to stand together within the complexity of human experience and still move forward.

From Storytellers to Storyholders

When we truly engage in this shared meaning-making, our role evolves. Across every sector and system, the challenge is no longer just to tell stories—it’s to hold them. To recognize that every story carries responsibility: to context, to truth, and to the people it touches.

To lead across difference is to become a storyholder: someone who can listen without absorbing, challenge without shaming, and stay steady in the presence of multiple truths.

It’s an act of maturity and humility—a way of leading that says, I can hold your story without losing mine.

A Closing Reflection

When we lead and coach across difference, we are doing sacred work. We are building meaning where misunderstanding could live. We are cultivating trust where fear might rise. And we are remembering, together, that difference is not the opposite of belonging—it is the fabric that gives belonging its depth.

Before the next conversation across difference, pause.
Notice your assumptions.
Ask what meaning you are making.
And hold space—not to erase the difference, but to expand what’s possible within it.

This is the ground we will explore in our upcoming webinar, Leading and Coaching Across Differences, on November 5th. We hope you’ll join us and these thought leaders to deepen your practice.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89306258336?pwd=DKiN81Y6PdmueKawvEa6NQlCaoHi14.1

 

The Transformation of Daniel: From Manager to Coaching Leader

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Daniel had always been a results-driven leader. As a senior manager at a fast-growing tech company, he was known for his sharp decision-making, high expectations, and relentless pursuit of efficiency. His team delivered, but morale was low. Employees often seemed hesitant to speak up, and turnover was higher than in other departments.

One day, Daniel’s director pulled him aside and shared some tough feedback. “You’re great at driving results, but your team doesn’t feel heard or supported. If you want long-term success, you need to coach, not just manage.”

This hit Daniel hard. He prided himself on his leadership, but the realization that he was losing great people because of his approach made him pause. Determined to improve, he enrolled in a leadership coaching program focused on transforming managers and leaders into coaching leaders.

The Shift Begins

The program was an eye-opener. At first, coaching felt unnatural. Daniel was used to providing answers, not asking questions. He had always believed leadership meant being the smartest person in the room. But through workshops, role-playing exercises, and real-time coaching sessions, he learned that great leaders don’t have to provide all the answers—they empower their teams to discover solutions themselves.

He started practicing new coaching techniques, including active listening and powerful questioning. Instead of immediately solving problems for his employees, he began asking:

  • “What do you think would be the best approach?”
  • “What’s the real challenge here?”
  • “What’s another way to look at this situation?”

Though it felt uncomfortable at first, he committed to applying what he was learning in his day-to-day leadership.

The Breakthrough Moment

One day, his top performer, Sarah, came to him frustrated about a client issue. Normally, Daniel would have jumped in with a solution. But this time, he remembered what he had learned in his coaching program. He paused, listened deeply, and then asked, “If you had full control, how would you handle this?”

Sarah thought for a moment and then laid out a plan. To Daniel’s surprise, it was better than what he would have suggested. “That sounds like a solid approach,” he said. “Let’s go with your idea.”

The impact was immediate—Sarah walked away feeling empowered, and Daniel realized that his team had more potential than he had given them credit for. This was the moment when coaching truly clicked for him.

The Ripple Effect

As Daniel continued applying what he had learned, his leadership style transformed:

  • He replaced directive conversations with one-on-one coaching discussions.
  • He encouraged team members to take ownership of their development.
  • He shifted from giving critical feedback to asking reflective questions that inspired growth.

The results were undeniable:

  • Team engagement soared—people felt heard and valued.
  • Problem-solving improved—employees were thinking critically rather than relying on Daniel for answers.
  • Turnover dropped significantly—his team became a place where people wanted to work.

The New Daniel

A year later, Daniel’s director pulled him aside again. This time, it wasn’t a warning—it was praise. “I don’t know what changed, but your team is thriving. Keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

Daniel smiled. His leadership coaching program had not only taught him techniques—it had changed his mindset. Coaching wasn’t just a leadership tool; it was a way of thinking, leading, and engaging with his team. And in embracing it, he had not only transformed his team but had also become the leader he had always aspired to be.

Not a Singular Story

Daniel’s journey reflects Dr. Kevin McGarry’s assertion that coaching is more than a leadership tool—it’s a way of leading that fosters belonging and connection. Initially, Daniel led with efficiency and results in mind, but his shift toward coaching transformed not only his leadership style but also the culture of his team. By embracing coaching, he created a psychologically safe workplace, encouraged open dialogue, and empowered his employees to take ownership of their growth.

McGarry’s work reinforces that coaching isn’t just about improving individual performance—it’s about cultivating an environment where employees feel valued, engaged, and connected. Daniel’s story exemplifies this transformation, showing how coaching leadership can create a thriving workplace where both people and business results flourish.

Organizational success requires leaders skill development at every level.  In “Scaling Leadership” Anderson and Adams emphasize that coaching is not just a skill but a way of leading—one that aligns with self-awareness, authenticity, and long-term impact. By integrating coaching into leadership, organizations can create workplaces where employees not only perform but truly belong.  Coaching is essential for developing leadership at scale, as it empowers employees to step into their own leadership potential, reinforcing a sense of inclusion and contribution rather than just compliance. It also creates psychological safety and engagement by building trust and openness, making people feel heard, supported, and valued—critical components of belonging. Additionally, coaching helps unlock potential and growth by ensuring employees are recognized for their unique strengths and encouraged to develop them, reinforcing their sense of worth and connection to the organization. In an increasingly complex and uncertain world, coaching equips employees with the adaptability and resilience to navigate change, fostering collaboration and shared problem-solving rather than isolation and fear. Ultimately, coaching is a key lever in transforming organizational culture from a fear-based, reactive environment to one of creativity, connection, and purpose.

Finally, Dr. Richard Boyatzis, shares in “Coaching with Compassion”  that a key advantage of coaching is its ability to drive sustainable behavior change and development. Unlike directive leadership, which can trigger defensiveness, coaching with compassion engages the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA)—a psychological state that promotes openness, learning, and long-term growth. This results in employees who are more adaptive, self-motivated, and willing to take on new challenges. Coaching also contributes to improved well-being and resilience by reducing stress and enhancing employees’ sense of purpose and fulfillment at work. Furthermore, leaders who coach foster a culture of learning and innovation, providing a safe space for exploration and risk-taking, which encourages creativity and problem-solving.

Leaders who coach bring significant advantages to their organizations and teams, as highlighted by Richard Boyatzis. Coaching enhances employee engagement and motivation by inspiring and supporting individuals rather than relying on directive leadership or micromanagement. This approach leads to higher job satisfaction, commitment, and a deeper connection to the organization. Additionally, coaching improves performance and goal attainment by helping employees align their personal aspirations with organizational objectives, fostering both individual and collective success. Leaders who coach also develop stronger emotional and social intelligence, allowing them to build deeper relationships, enhance team dynamics, and create a more connected and collaborative work environment.

Ultimately, Boyatzis emphasizes that coaching is not about fixing problems but about unlocking people’s potential by focusing on their strengths, aspirations, and personal growth. This approach not only builds a strong leadership pipeline but also fosters a culture where employees feel valued, supported, and connected. In doing so, coaching becomes a powerful tool for creating belonging at work, ensuring that employees thrive both personally and professionally.

These coaching principles along with other research-based concepts have been integrated into the Coach as Leader; Leader as Coach program sponsored by Global IOC.  The program is co-facilitated by Dr. Kevin McGarry and Dr. Peggy Marshall.  For more information about the program, click on this link.  Leader as Coach, Coach as Leader Program – Global Institute of Organizational Coaching

 

Book Review – Lead with Purpose: A Story About Leading in Your Personal and Professional Life

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Coaching Corner – Book Review

Lead with Purpose by Dr. Kevin McGarry

Lead with Purpose In Lead with Purpose: A Story About Leading in Your Personal and Professional Life, Dr. Kevin McGarry presents key coaching takeaways through the narrative of Eddie, a corporate leader who becomes the coach of his daughter’s struggling softball team. This journey imparts several valuable lessons:

  1. Adopt a People-Centric Mindset: Eddie learns to prioritize his team’s needs, recognizing that understanding and addressing individual motivations and challenges enhances overall performance.
  2. Embrace Character-Driven Leadership: The story emphasizes leading with integrity and authenticity, demonstrating that a leader’s character profoundly influences team dynamics and success.
  3. Communicate Effectively to Inspire and Motivate: Eddie discovers the importance of clear and empathetic communication, which fosters trust and encourages team members to reach their full potential.
  4. Empower Others by Letting Go of Control – Eddie learns that great leaders don’t micromanage; instead, they trust their team members to step up, make decisions, and grow. By shifting from a directive approach to a coaching mindset, he fosters confidence and ownership among his players.
  5. The Power of Active Listening – One of the biggest transformations Eddie undergoes is learning to truly listen. Rather than jumping in with solutions, he begins asking thoughtful questions and giving his team space to express their thoughts, concerns, and ideas—leading to deeper trust and stronger performance.
  6. Fostering a Growth Mindset – McGarry highlights that successful coaches help their teams embrace challenges as learning opportunities. By encouraging resilience, reframing failures as lessons, and celebrating progress, leaders create an environment where people feel safe to take risks and improve continuously.

These takeaways reinforce McGarry’s core message: leadership is not about having all the answers but about guiding and supporting others to realize their full potential. Additionally, through these insights, McGarry illustrates how coaching, grounded in purpose and character, can transform leadership approaches in both personal and professional contexts.

Available on Amazon

Emotional Contagion: The Ripple Effect of Emotions

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Emotional contagion is a fascinating psychological phenomenon in which one person’s emotions and behaviors trigger similar feelings and actions in those around them, often without conscious awareness. This effect can occur in almost any social setting—whether within families, workplaces, or circles of friends. Picture a scenario where one individual suddenly expresses frustration or agitation. Without realizing it, others in the group may begin mirroring that person’s expressions, tone of voice, or body language. This unconscious mirroring can spread the original emotion, shifting the collective mood and influencing group dynamics, potentially creating a more strained or unproductive environment.

The process of emotional contagion often begins subtly. The book “Emotional Contagion” by Hatfield, Cacioppo, and Rapson though originally published in 1994 is widely cited in psychology, organizational behavior, and leadership studies. It provides foundational knowledge for understanding how emotions spread and influence human interactions. The book remains relevant today, especially with the rise of digital communication, where emotions can be transmitted rapidly through social media and online interactions.

Other researchers have found that our brains are wired to mirror others’ facial cues, a response deeply rooted in human evolution as social beings. Body language also plays a crucial role; we unconsciously pick up on others’ postures, gestures, and overall demeanor, which can convey emotional states such as sadness, enthusiasm, or stress. A slumped posture may signal dejection, while animated, energetic movements can spread excitement to others in the group. Likewise, tone, pitch, and speech rhythm convey emotions such as anger, joy, or anxiety. When someone speaks in a raised, tense tone, listeners may unconsciously mimic those vocal cues, heightening their own stress levels in the process.

As the receiver absorbs these cues, the brain interprets and often internalizes the emotion, creating an empathetic response that feels authentic. In a matter of seconds, emotional contagion can set in, causing the receiver to genuinely experience and reflect the sender’s emotions. This doesn’t stop at mere observation; it extends to behavioral imitation, where the receiver not only feels the emotion but begins acting in ways that align with it. For example, if one person in a group expresses anxiety, this anxiety can quickly spread, leading others to feel similarly tense or stressed. This collective emotional state significantly affects group dynamics, influencing decision-making, communication, and overall productivity.

In group settings, emotional contagion can create a feedback loop where emotions are continuously reinforced and amplified. Positive emotions, such as laughter and joy, can foster an uplifting atmosphere, while shared stress or negativity can escalate into heightened anxiety or resentment. Emotional contagion influences not only individual moods but also the overall tone and effectiveness of teams, families, and social networks.

The Science Behind Emotional Contagion

James H. Fowler and Nicholas A. Christakis, in their book Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives, highlight how emotions spread within social networks, often beyond immediate, face-to-face connections. They argue that emotions ripple through social networks in ways we might not fully recognize, affecting even those who are several degrees removed from the original source. For example, if one person is particularly joyful or distressed, that emotion can extend outward, influencing friends of friends and beyond. This research underscores the interconnected nature of human emotions and how social ties shape behavior, thoughts, and emotional experiences.

Sigal Barsade made significant contributions to understanding emotional contagion, particularly in organizational contexts. Her research explored how emotions, whether positive or negative, permeate group settings, affecting cohesion, decision-making, and productivity. Barsade introduced the concept of the “ripple effect,” where the emotions of one individual create waves throughout a workplace, much like a stone thrown into a pond. Even minor cues—such as a raised eyebrow or a change in tone—can profoundly influence the work environment. In one of her notable studies, Barsade placed participants in small groups where one individual, known as a “confederate,” displayed either positive or negative emotions. The findings demonstrated that the confederate’s mood significantly influenced the emotional state of the entire group and even affected their performance on cooperative tasks.

Richard Boyatzis, along with colleagues Annie McKee and Daniel Goleman, introduced the concept of resonant leadership, which is closely tied to emotional contagion. Resonant leaders are deeply in touch with their own emotions and those of others, creating a positive and supportive emotional climate within their organizations. This leadership style leverages emotional contagion to spread optimism, enthusiasm, and resilience throughout the team, resulting in higher engagement, morale, and productivity. Boyatzis emphasizes that leaders with high emotional intelligence are particularly skilled at managing emotional contagion. They are aware of how their emotions affect others and can harness emotional contagion to inspire and motivate, cultivating an environment where employees feel valued and empowered. Such leaders also have self-awareness to prevent the spread of negative emotions, which can lead to workplace toxicity and diminished performance.

Emotional Contagion in the Digital Age

In today’s high-stress environments, emotional contagion plays a critical role in team cohesion and productivity. Leaders who understand and manage emotional contagion effectively can transform their teams, fostering environments where individuals are happier and more productive. Conversely, leaders who fail to recognize the effects of their own emotional states risk inadvertently spreading stress, anxiety, or frustration, creating a toxic workplace culture that stifles creativity, collaboration, and performance.

Beyond workplaces and social groups, emotional contagion has profound societal implications. With the rise of social media, emotions now spread more rapidly, reaching vast audiences instantly. News of a global event, for example, can spark fear or outrage within minutes, affecting people worldwide who may then amplify those feelings through comments, posts, and reactions. Social media platforms, designed to highlight emotionally charged content, act as accelerators for emotional contagion, influencing collective mindsets and even social movements. This ability to transmit emotions on a massive scale means that emotional contagion has taken on a new, often intensified dimension in the digital age.

Managing Emotional Contagion

Understanding and managing emotional contagion requires mindfulness, empathy, and emotional intelligence. Whether in personal relationships, workplaces, or broader social settings, recognizing how emotions unconsciously spread allows individuals to cultivate more intentional interactions. Practicing self-awareness and emotional regulation can help reduce the spread of negative emotions while fostering environments where positive emotional contagion can thrive. By harnessing emotional contagion not as an uncontrollable force but as a tool, individuals and leaders can create supportive, resilient, and emotionally attuned communities.

Coaching can play a critical role in helping leaders and teams navigate emotional contagion effectively. By incorporating coaching techniques, individuals can learn to regulate their own emotions, build resilience, and foster positive emotional contagion within their organizations. Effective coaching approaches include: Emotional Intelligence Development: Helping individuals become more aware of their emotions and how they influence others. Mindfulness Training: Encouraging practices that enhance self-regulation and reduce stress responses. Cognitive Reframing: Teaching techniques to shift negative emotional patterns into constructive ones. Communication Coaching: Enhancing leaders’ ability to communicate emotions effectively to inspire and support their teams. Resilience Coaching: Helping employees develop strategies for managing stress and maintaining a positive workplace culture. By integrating coaching into leadership development and team dynamics, organizations can create a workplace environment that not only prevents negative emotional contagion but actively promotes a culture of well-being and productivity.

Join us on February 12 at 11 EST for our webinar on “Detach from Drama”.  Emotional contagion is a key component of drama and resources and tools for addressing it will be discussed in more detail.  https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89306258336?pwd=DKiN81Y6PdmueKawvEa6NQlCaoHi14.1

 

 

 

Detach from Drama

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puppy relaxing listening to music on a headset

 

Detaching from drama requires individuals to consciously break the cycle of faulty interpretation that often fuels unnecessary conflict and emotional turmoil. This cycle typically begins with a misinterpretation or distortion of an event, thought, or experience, which is then followed by an emotional reaction that reinforces the initial misinterpretation. From there, individuals construct a narrative around the event, embedding their perspectives and emotions into a story that supports their version of reality. They may then share this story with others, seeking validation and support to reinforce their interpretation. Breaking free from this cycle involves pausing to reflect on the initial interpretation, questioning its accuracy, and separating facts from emotional reactions. By reframing the narrative and resisting the urge to seek validation for a potentially distorted reality, individuals can foster clarity, objectivity, and healthier interactions. This detachment reduces personal stress and helps create a more constructive and drama-free environment.

Cognitive Biases

The root of these distortions often lies in faulty meaning triggered by cognitive and emotional filters. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias, negativity bias, and attribution bias, play a significant role in shaping these interpretations. Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information in ways that confirm preexisting beliefs, often leading to selective attention and reinforcement of stereotypes. For example, a manager who believes an employee is not a team player may interpret a missed meeting as proof of their assumption, disregarding the employee’s consistent contributions. Similarly, negativity bias causes individuals to give greater psychological weight to negative experiences, overshadowing positive contributions or intentions. A single criticism during a performance review can disproportionately shape an employee’s perception of themselves or their relationship with their reviewer. Attribution bias further distorts meaning by attributing others’ behaviors to internal flaws while justifying one’s own behaviors with external factors, such as blaming a colleague’s missed deadline on laziness while attributing one’s own to an overwhelming workload.

Emotional Filters

Emotional filters, shaped by past experiences and strong emotions, further complicate the interpretation of events. Past experiences, especially those with strong emotional significance, leave imprints that create mental shortcuts in new situations. For example, someone who faced repeated criticism in the past might misinterpret neutral feedback as negative, triggering defensiveness or avoidance. Similarly, strong emotions like fear, anger, or excitement can skew reality and narrow focus. Fear amplifies perceived threats, anger narrows attention to perceived injustices, and excitement can lead to overconfidence and overlooked risks. These filters can heighten emotional responses, distort perceptions, and create self-fulfilling prophecies that reinforce faulty meanings.

The interplay between cognitive biases and emotional filters often exacerbates faulty interpretations. Confirmation bias can reinforce negative assumptions rooted in negativity bias, while attribution bias can escalate tensions by unfairly assigning blame. These interconnected biases contribute to the drama cycle and hinder constructive relationships. Recognizing and addressing these biases and filters is essential for fostering healthier dynamics in both personal and professional settings.

The Narrative

Creating a narrative to align others with an individual’s perspective often involves crafting a story that reinforces their interpretation of an event, thought, or experience. This narrative typically embeds the individual’s emotions, assumptions, and biases, framing the situation in a way that supports their reality. The goal is often to gain validation, support, or agreement from others, which can reinforce the individual’s perspective and give it greater perceived legitimacy.

While sharing one’s perspective is a natural part of human communication, this process can become problematic when the narrative is built on faulty interpretations or biases, such as confirmation bias or negativity bias. For instance, an individual might present a skewed account of a workplace conflict, emphasizing perceived injustices or omissions while omitting critical context. This can escalate tensions, polarize opinions, and perpetuate the drama cycle as others align with the distorted perspective.

Breaking this pattern requires individuals to reflect critically on the narratives they construct and share. Rather than seeking alignment through emotional appeals or selective storytelling, individuals can focus on fostering open dialogue that incorporates multiple perspectives. Coaches can support this process by helping individuals recognize the influence of biases and emotional filters on their narratives, encouraging curiosity about alternative viewpoints, and promoting clarity and objectivity in communication. By shifting the goal from validation to understanding, individuals can align others around shared realities rather than distorted interpretations, fostering collaboration and belonging.

The Role of Coaching in Detaching from Drama

Coaching plays a transformative role in helping individuals navigate the complexities of faulty interpretations and emotional reactivity, empowering them to detach from drama and foster healthier interactions. A skilled coach can facilitate self-awareness, guiding individuals to identify when cognitive biases—such as confirmation bias, negativity bias, or attribution bias—and emotional filters are distorting their perceptions. This self-awareness is a foundational step in breaking the cycle of misinterpretation and reaction, as it allows individuals to recognize how their past experiences and emotions shape their current responses.

Encouraging mindfulness is another critical aspect of coaching. By teaching individuals to pause and reflect before reacting, coaches help them separate facts from emotional reactions. This intentional pause creates space for clarity and balance, reducing the likelihood of escalating misunderstandings or perpetuating unhelpful narratives. When individuals can step back and assess a situation objectively, they are better equipped to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Promoting perspective-taking is equally important. Coaches can help individuals broaden their understanding by encouraging them to consider alternative viewpoints and empathize with others’ perspectives. This practice not only reduces misunderstandings but also enhances communication and collaboration. For example, a coach might challenge a client to explore the external factors influencing a colleague’s behavior, helping them shift from assigning blame to seeking solutions. Such exercises cultivate a more nuanced understanding of interpersonal dynamics and build stronger, more trusting relationships.

Open communication is another area where coaching can make a significant impact. Coaches can teach individuals how to articulate their thoughts and feelings clearly, while also encouraging them to listen actively to others. This fosters transparency and reduces the risk of misinterpretation, helping teams navigate challenging situations with greater ease. When individuals feel heard and understood, they are less likely to engage in defensive or dramatic behaviors, which helps create a more harmonious work environment.

Acknowledging that experiences and emotions can sometimes distort meaning is a crucial step toward cultivating constructive interactions. Coaches can guide individuals through this acknowledgment, reframing assumptions shaped by past experiences and helping them view situations through a more balanced lens. This shift not only minimizes unnecessary conflict but also fosters fairness, collaboration, and inclusion.

Ultimately, the work of a coach is to help individuals replace reactive patterns with intentional, thoughtful behaviors that align with their goals and values. By addressing the filters that influence perception and guiding individuals toward greater objectivity, coaches enable their clients to build stronger connections, resolve conflicts constructively, and cultivate a deeper sense of belonging within their teams and organizations. In this way, coaching becomes a powerful tool for creating environments where individuals and groups thrive both personally and professionally.

Upcoming Webinar

On Wednesday, February 5, The Global Coaching Network and Global IOC will host a webinar focused on the theme of “Detach from Drama.” This event will delve deeper into the concept of detaching from drama, exploring the cognitive and emotional patterns that contribute to misinterpretations and conflict in personal and professional settings. The session will highlight practical strategies for identifying and addressing these patterns, emphasizing the role of coaching in fostering clarity, perspective, and constructive interactions.

 

Coaching and Belonging: Building Inclusive Workplaces

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Happy New Year!

I hope this new year brings you inspiration, growth, and connection. Over the holidays, I had the opportunity to dive into a meaningful project—writing an academic article for a book titled “Belonging in the Workplace: Perspectives and Practices.” My chapter, “Coaching to Belonging in the Workplace,” allowed me to return to my roots in research and writing, a process that was both challenging and deeply rewarding.

While I strive to keep my blogs centered on practical coaching applications, I couldn’t resist sharing a few key concepts from the research. The idea of coaching to belonging in the workplace resonated profoundly with me, as it bridges the theoretical and the practical, offering transformative potential for coaches and leaders alike.

Belonging is a cornerstone of human experience, essential for both personal fulfillment and professional performance. Rooted in foundational theories from philosophy, sociology, and psychology, the need for connection and inclusion is universal. Aristotle described humans as inherently social beings, while Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places belonging as critical to achieving self-actualization. In modern workplaces, these principles take center stage as organizations recognize that fostering belonging is key to unlocking the full potential of their employees. Coaching has emerged as a transformative tool for creating the emotional safety, inclusivity, and connection that belonging requires.

Coaching provides leaders with the skills to understand and respond to the diverse needs of their teams. It operationalizes insights from Bowlby’s attachment theory, which highlights the role of secure relationships in fostering trust and collaboration, and extends them into workplace dynamics. Scholars such as Hazan, Shaver, and Bartholomew have shown that strong emotional bonds are fundamental to productivity, engagement, and team cohesion. Coaching bridges these theoretical foundations with actionable strategies, helping leaders foster relationships that enable employees to thrive.

Modern research underscores that belonging in the workplace demands more than surface-level initiatives or policies. Scholars like Shore et al. (2011) argue that belonging requires deep cultural transformation—one where diverse perspectives are celebrated, contributions are recognized, and systemic barriers are addressed. Coaching empowers leaders to embody these changes by promoting inclusive behaviors, identifying and mitigating unconscious biases, and creating equitable environments. Walton and Cohen’s research on “belonging uncertainty” reveals the challenges marginalized groups face in achieving inclusion, emphasizing the necessity of intentional, targeted interventions. Coaching addresses these barriers by fostering self-awareness, teaching inclusive practices, and aligning individual and organizational goals to ensure everyone feels valued and empowered.

Strategies for Coaching to Foster Belonging

Coaching offers a powerful framework for creating inclusive, collaborative, and supportive workplaces. Key strategies include:

  1. Building Psychological Safety: Coaching helps leaders create environments where employees feel free to express ideas, concerns, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or retaliation (Edmondson, 2018).
  2. Encouraging Inclusive Leadership: Through empathy, active listening, and equitable recognition, coaching trains leaders to value and integrate diverse perspectives into decision-making processes (Randel et al., 2016).
  3. Strengthening Team Connection: Facilitating trust, open communication, and shared goals builds a sense of community and enhances team dynamics (Hawkins, 2017).
  4. Addressing Systemic Barriers: Coaching equips leaders to dismantle inequitable structures, from career development pathways to workplace policies, ensuring all employees have access to opportunity (Garrick et al., 2024).
  5. Providing Meaningful Feedback: Constructive and affirming feedback reinforces employees’ unique contributions and demonstrates their value within the organization (London, 2003).
  6. Celebrating Achievements: Publicly recognizing individual and team successes not only enhances belonging but also motivates continued engagement and effort (Deci & Ryan, 1985).
  7. Aligning Values and Goals: Coaching supports employees in aligning their personal values and aspirations with organizational objectives, fostering a stronger sense of purpose and connection (Cable & DeRue, 2002).
  8. Promoting Reflective Practices: Encouraging leaders and employees to reflect on their biases, actions, and intentions fosters self-awareness and supports thoughtful, inclusive behaviors (Clutterbuck & Megginson, 2006).

The Broader Impact of Coaching

Coaching cultureCoaching’s influence extends beyond individual relationships, creating ripple effects that shape entire organizational cultures. A culture of belonging has measurable benefits, including increased engagement, reduced turnover, and enhanced innovation. Employees who feel included are more likely to share ideas, take creative risks, and contribute to their full potential. Coaching provides leaders with tools to cultivate these environments, equipping them with skills to lead authentically and inclusively.

Moreover, coaching addresses systemic inequities that prevent workplaces from fully embracing diversity. By helping leaders identify and dismantle structural barriers, coaching fosters equitable opportunities for all employees. This creates a fairer workplace, strengthens organizational reputation, and enhances long-term performance. When coaching becomes embedded in organizational culture, it ensures that diversity and inclusion initiatives are not one-off efforts but enduring commitments.

Embedding a Coaching Culture

While individual coaching interventions are impactful, embedding a coaching culture within the organization ensures long-term success. A coaching culture integrates coaching principles into the organization’s systems, values, and daily operations. Leaders model behaviors that demonstrate inclusivity, transparency, and advocacy, setting the tone for a supportive and equitable work environment.

This approach ensures that coaching becomes a sustainable part of organizational life rather than a one-time initiative. A coaching culture fosters ongoing engagement, supports continuous development, and builds a shared commitment to inclusion and belonging. As coaching permeates every level of the organization, it enables systemic change, creating workplaces where employees feel valued, connected, and integral to collective success.

The Path Forward

Coaching is not just a tool for individual growth—it is a catalyst for organizational transformation. By addressing the relational and systemic barriers to belonging, coaching empowers leaders and employees to create inclusive environments where all voices are heard, contributions are recognized, and individuals are celebrated for their unique strengths. The impact of coaching extends beyond individuals, shaping cultures that prioritize connection, equity, and shared purpose.

In a world where diverse perspectives and collaboration drive innovation, fostering belonging is no longer optional—it is essential. Coaching bridges the gap between organizational goals and individual needs, unlocking potential and transforming workplaces into thriving communities. Organizations that prioritize coaching as a core strategy can expect not only stronger performance but also a deeper, lasting impact on the lives of their employees.

With coaching as a cornerstone, organizations can cultivate environments that inspire, empower, and achieve sustainable success for all.

 

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The Power of Curiosity and Connection in Coaching

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By Kelly McGrath, CMO, American Endowment Foundation

In my nearly three decades of experience working with diverse teams, I’ve witnessed firsthand how coaching has evolved into an invaluable tool for personal and professional growth. As our world becomes increasingly complex and fast-paced, the ability to adapt, collaborate, and innovate is crucial. Coaches play a vital role in empowering team members to navigate these challenges, set meaningful goals, and unlock their collective potential. At the heart of effective coaching are two essential principles: curiosity and connection. When coaches embrace these qualities, they foster a transformative environment that encourages exploration and builds meaningful relationships.

The Role of Curiosity in Coaching

Curiosity has always been a driving force in my interactions with teams. It acts as a catalyst for discovery and learning, fostering an environment where team members feel encouraged to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly. Here are several effective strategies to harness curiosity:

Fostering Exploration

Over the years, I’ve learned that asking open-ended questions can transform a coaching session. For instance, rather than jumping to solutions, I’ve found that inviting team members to explore their thoughts deeply leads to richer discussions. This exploration often clarifies their goals and unveils underlying motivations, which is invaluable for effective teamwork.

Creating a Safe Space

Curiosity naturally cultivates an atmosphere of safety and trust. In my experience, when team members sense that their coach is genuinely interested in their stories, they are more likely to show up authentically. This connection enriches the coaching experience, allowing individuals to feel supported and understood, which is essential for meaningful growth.

Encouraging a Growth Mindset

One of the most rewarding aspects of coaching has been witnessing team members embrace a growth mindset. When curiosity leads individuals to view challenges as opportunities, they become more willing to take risks and adapt. I’ve seen firsthand how a culture of curiosity can empower teams to navigate change more effectively.

Challenging Assumptions

Many team members arrive at coaching with preconceived notions about their abilities and the dynamics at play. I’ve found that gently challenging these assumptions through probing questions can broaden their perspectives and empower them to break free from self-imposed constraints.

The Importance of Connection

While curiosity opens the door to exploration, connection lays the foundation for a successful coaching relationship. After years of working with teams, I understand that connection encompasses trust, empathy, and mutual respect. Here’s how to build that connection:

Building Trust

In my experience, trust is paramount in any coaching relationship. Team members need to feel confident that their coach has their best interests at heart. By actively listening and demonstrating empathy, I’ve cultivated this trust, which allows team members to be vulnerable and share their challenges, leading to more impactful coaching outcomes.

Active Listening

I’ve learned that connection deepens through active listening. Coaches who truly engage with their team members not only hear their words but also grasp the emotions and nuances behind them. This level of engagement fosters a sense of value, encouraging team members to fully participate in the coaching process.

Empathy and Understanding

An empathetic approach has been crucial in my coaching practice. Striving to see the world through the eyes of each team member has enriched my understanding of their experiences and emotions. This connection strengthens the bond, enabling team members to feel understood and more willing to embrace change.

Shared Goals and Values

Establishing a connection also means aligning on goals and values. Throughout my career, I’ve worked with teams to define what success looks like collectively. When everyone is on the same page, it fosters a sense of partnership, enhancing motivation and accountability throughout the coaching journey.

Integrating Curiosity and Connection in Coaching Practice

To leverage the combined power of curiosity and connection, I’ve adopted several practical strategies to better equip me to lead and understand more effectively. Here are some of those strategies:

Cultivate Self-Awareness

Regularly reflecting on my own biases and emotional states has allowed me to approach coaching with a more open and curious mindset. This self-awareness enhances my interactions with team members.

Use Powerful Questions

Crafting thoughtful, open-ended questions has become a hallmark of my coaching style. Instead of asking, “What do you want to achieve?” I might inquire, “What excites you about this goal, and what fears do you have surrounding it?” This encourages deeper reflection.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness techniques have improved my ability to be present during coaching sessions. By being fully engaged, I foster both curiosity and connection, allowing for more meaningful interactions.

Create a Supportive Environment

I strive to create a safe, supportive space where team members feel comfortable expressing themselves. Setting ground rules for confidentiality and encouraging honesty has proven effective in nurturing trust.

Embrace Vulnerability

Modeling vulnerability by sharing my own experiences has been transformative. This openness encourages team members to share their struggles, further strengthening our connection.

Curiosity and connection are not just complementary elements of effective coaching; they are essential ingredients for transformative change. By fostering a culture of curiosity, coaches can encourage team members to explore their potential and embrace growth. At the same time, strong connections build trust and create a supportive environment where individuals feel empowered to take risks. Together, curiosity and connection can lead to profound personal and professional development, a journey I’ve been privileged to witness throughout my career.

 

The Inner Critic

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"Listen to the inner voice that allows you to be you!"
~ Elvis Stojko

What do you say when you talk to yourself? Weird question, right? And yet many authors believe that we talk incessantly to ourselves! Studies have shown that the inner voice can speak at 4000 words per minute. Charles Fernyhough in “The Voices Within” shares that this is 10 times faster than talking out loud. The author adds that this internal voice still has elements of conversation and can contain different perspectives even arguing and conferring. Admit it…you do talk to yourself!

Another author, Ethan Kross, in “Chatter” contends that humans developed an inner voice for the purpose of evaluating their past and to prepare for the future. These inner voices facilitate introspection and reflection allowing us the opportunity to analyze past behaviors and grow from any mistakes while at the same time anticipating when a behavior can create a challenge. So how do these voices go awry? Our brains can only hold so much information and we need the executive functions of the brain to focus on where we want to go. When the internal “chatter” becomes excessive, it takes away our ability to focus on what’s most important.

However, the inner voice can also be a help to us. When self-talk is positive, it can cheer us up when things do not go our way, support and encourage us to try out new ideas and strengthen relationships. Our inner voice can also open us to new perspectives by finding solutions we didn’t think possible and even new relationships that can help us achieve our dreams. It is when we slide into listening to the inner critic voice, we find self-confidence eroding, responding to situations with less grace than usual, and possibly even damaging relationships. This voice makes it difficult to recover from taxing situations and can even lead to miscalculations about events and people.

We must remember that words matter. The words your inner voice uses can become toxic when negative. Susan David in “Emotional Agility” calls the runaway negativity “monkey-mindedness” comparing it to monkeys that swing from tree to tree without a thought about what’s happening or where they are going. When monkey-mindedness is negative, the internal chatterbox as David calls it, continues to add fuel to the fire of the negative thinking building with each thought. The mind quickly moves from past grievances to assumptions of the future without checking for evidence. The language is judgmental and is laden with could’ve, would’ve and should’ve. As a coach, I frequently scan my own inner voice and that of my clients to assess the tone, tenor and judgement of that voice. This is also true for what is spoken out loud. Stop for a moment and reflect on what your inner voice is sharing with you right now. Where is your focus?

Ideas For Calming the Inner Voice
Monitor your Thoughts

Edith Eger in “The Gift” offers that our thoughts and beliefs determine and frequently limit how we feel, what we do and what we think is possible. Being able to notice what our thoughts and beliefs are telling us is a step in the right direction to calming the inner voice. Steven Hayes in “A Liberated Mind’ shares that we need to shift from a focus on what we are thinking and feeling to focusing on how we relate to what we think and feel. Like Eger, placing emphasis is on learning to step back from what you are thinking, notice it, and open up to what you are observing about the experience without judging. Hayes suggests that efforts to avoid or control our thoughts or feelings are ineffective. Rather, he proposes that we need to focus our energies on taking positive actions that can alleviate our distress. Kross shares that being able to distance yourself from your thoughts can help to turn down the chatter. Knowing what works for you whether it’s going for a walk or a drive, listening to music or deep breathing exercise may help you reframe the experience and gain perspective.

Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Work

This is a critical skill-the avoidance of comparing yourself with others. In all walks of life, there are going to be people who have it better than you while some have it worse. David, from above, guides us to keep our eyes on our own work. If you must compare, think about how you might build the quality/ability you think is missing from your life. For example, if you think someone is a better leader, what leadership skills can you add to your quiver?

Surround Yourself with Positive People.

Shawn Achor in “Big Potential” shares that having motivated, highly engaged, and creative people around you has a positive influence on your own attributes. These people can be inspirational, support you when times are difficult, and help to bring out the best version of you. If this is one of the ways you want to calm your voice, having a number of these people in your life will create a multiplying effect on your potential.

Celebrate Yourself

Track your achievements throughout the day, week and month. The size doesn’t matter, only your acknowledgment of successes. Most people do not stop to recognize how far they have come before moving on to the next thing. The question of “what are you most proud of” is often met with how the mark has been missed in some way. By celebrating even the smallest of achievements, we build a pathway to celebrating the bigger accomplishments. It’s a strength to pause to celebrate before taking on the next challenge.

Release the Shoulds

Too many people “beat up” on themselves with the words should have, could have, or would have. These words indicate a sense of failure and take the individual into a downward spiral. These words talk about the past and not what is possible for the future. I have worked with clients, who while trying to relax, maintain a constant stream of inner chatter about what they “should be doing”. My guidance has always been to assess whether you need to relax or take action. You are either doing something or you are not. It is important to not make yourself feel bad by ruminating about the things you are not doing. If relaxation is the goal, releasing the “should be doings” will provide the space for peace.

Practice Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff in “Fierce Self-Compassion” shares that self-compassion contains three components; kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Kindness allows us to comfort and soothe ourselves when we are experiencing difficulties. Common humanity gives us the wisdom to recognize that we are not alone in our struggles and that many are experiencing shared human experiences. Finally, mindfulness takes us back to our thoughts and feelings to determine how we want to process them. Most people can offer compassion to others when they make mistakes, forget important events, and are not able to perform at their best. And yet, they find it difficult to offer the same compassion to self. A good question is to ask yourself, “how would I handle this situation if my best friend was experiencing it”? Then give yourself that compassion.

A quote attributed to Socrates is “Is it kind; is it true; is it necessary?” While this is an awesome question to ask yourself before sharing with others, it is even more important to use this filter with yourself. As you reflect on your thoughts today, ask yourself these three questions. If you respond no to any of them, then it’s time to challenge the thoughts you are having and create ones that fit this filter.