reflection

Self Accountability

August 6, 2024 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." ~ Jim Rohn

What do you do when no one is watching? Do you maintain the same actions of self-accountability, or do you relax them slightly? Self-accountability refers to the ability to take responsibility for one's own actions, decisions, and their consequences regardless of who is watching or what the scenario is. It involves being honest with oneself about successes and failures, acknowledging mistakes, and learning from them to improve and grow. Practicing self-accountability can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and greater success in achieving personal and professional goals. It is a vital skill for anyone looking to develop a powerful sense of integrity and responsibility.

Self-Awareness

What are the elements of self-accountability? Self-accountability begins with self-awareness which is described as the ability to recognize and understand your own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, as well as how they affect not only you but others. It is a crucial component of emotional intelligence and plays a significant role in personal growth and development. Marshall Goldsmith in “What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There” explores self-awareness and accountability as key components in achieving personal and professional growth. In his book, Goldsmith explains that successful people often believe their past behavior is the reason for their success. This can lead to complacency and resistance to change. In order to avoid complacency and resistance to change, Goldsmith stresses the importance of seeking feedback from others to gain insight into behaviors to increase self-awareness.

Self-Honesty

There is a link between self-awareness and self-honesty. Self-honesty seems like an uncomplicated process; however, individuals may find it difficult to be self-honest for several reasons including fear of judgment, ego and pride, cognitive dissonance, cultural and social influences, and past experiences in life. Addressing these challenges often involves developing greater self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and creating a safe environment for honest self-reflection.

Yet, being truthful with yourself about your performance, behaviors, and areas that need improvement are critical to self-accountability. Self-honesty includes being truthful with oneself about one’s thoughts, feelings, actions, and motivations. It involves recognizing and accepting both strengths and weaknesses without self-deception or denial.

Another aspect of self-honesty is admitting mistakes. Admitting mistakes is an essential aspect of personal growth, effective leadership, and healthy relationships. It requires humility, self-awareness, and courage. John Maxwell in “Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success” explores how embracing and learning from mistakes can lead to personal and professional growth. He emphasizes that failure is not the opposite of success but a part of it. Finally, acceptance of reality allows individuals to be realistic about circumstances and capabilities, avoiding idealization or exaggeration.

Commitment

Once a level of self-awareness and self-honesty is established, following through on promises and commitments made to self and others is a requirement for self-accountability. A commitment to self is a dedication to personal growth, well-being, and fulfillment. It involves prioritizing your needs, values, and goals, and taking intentional actions to nurture and develop yourself. It also requires taking full ownership of goals and the actions needed to achieve them. Commitment involves dedicating the necessary time, effort, and resources to make progress. Shane Parrish in “Clear Thinking” suggests that committing means making deliberate choices about how you spend your time and energy and then focusing on what truly matters while aligning your actions with your values and goals.

In the fast pace of everyday life individuals sometimes forget that commitment to self is as vital as commitment to goals. Often missed is the need to prioritize physical, emotional, and mental well-being by engaging in activities that replenish and rejuvenate. Commitment to self also includes setting and maintaining healthy boundaries to protect time, energy, and resources. This might involve saying no when necessary and respecting your limits. Let’s not forget that being kind to and forgiving of yourself, especially when facing setbacks or challenges, includes the recognition that imperfection is a part of being human.

Seeking Feedback

From whom do you seek feedback? Self-accountability requires being open to feedback from others and using it constructively to enhance personal development. Seeking feedback offers numerous benefits, both personally and professionally. Receiving feedback holds you accountable for your actions and outcomes. It encourages taking responsibility for your work and striving for excellence. Getting feedback from others can provide individuals with different perspectives that you might not have considered and may remove confirmation bias from any given situation. This can lead to more creative solutions and a deeper understanding of what is needed and desired actions that lead to success. Constructive feedback can also help identify problems or challenges that might not have been noticed and offers opportunities to address issues before they become significant obstacles. Feedback from others can introduce new ideas, techniques, or methods that may not have been encountered before. Finally, feedback is a valuable learning experience that broadens your knowledge.

Seeking feedback demonstrates that you value others’ opinions and are open to collaboration. This can strengthen relationships and build trust with colleagues, peers, or clients. Although Jim Collin’s work in “Good to Great” focuses primarily on companies, he discusses the importance of having the right people on the "bus," which can be applied to personal development. Selecting the right mentors or advisors can help steer your personal and professional life in the right direction.

Reflection

Without reflection, it is difficult to be self-accountable. Reflection plays a crucial role in enhancing self-accountability by encouraging assessment of actions, decisions, and behaviors. Reflecting on decisions encourages ownership of them. This ownership fosters a sense of accountability, as individuals recognize that they have control over actions and their consequences. Reflection elevates awareness of strengths, weaknesses, and patterns of behavior. This awareness is the first step in both taking responsibility for actions and making conscious choices. Reflecting on past experiences helps to glean learning from them. By analyzing what worked and what did not, application of these lessons to future situations creates opportunities for growth and development. This is true for both successes and mistakes. Reflection often leads to insights that can prompt changes in behavior. When it is recognized that certain actions are not leading to desired outcomes, individuals are more likely to take responsibility and adjust behaviors accordingly. Overall, reflection is a powerful tool for fostering self-accountability. It encourages a proactive approach to personal and professional development, enabling individuals to take responsibility for actions and continuously strive for improvement.

Many authors have written about the need for reflection as part of growth and development. In "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen R. Covey discusses the habit of "Sharpening the Saw," which involves regular reflection and renewal. He emphasizes how self-reflection is crucial for maintaining balance and accountability in personal and professional life. Next, in "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success," Carol Dweck examines how the growth mindset encourages reflection and accountability. She explains how reflecting on setbacks and challenges can lead to personal development and accountability for one's growth and learning. Finally, Byron Katie, whose work is often used in coaching, introduces a process of self-inquiry called "The Work," which involves reflecting on one's thoughts and beliefs. Through this reflective process, individuals can take accountability for their perceptions and find peace and clarity.

Practicing self-accountability can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and greater success in achieving personal and professional goals. It is a vital skill for anyone looking to develop an intense sense of integrity and responsibility. Overall, self-accountability encourages taking ownership of life, leading to greater fulfillment and success in both personal and professional endeavors.

High Achievers Have Grit

January 18, 2022 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”
— T.S. Eliot

When you think of the word “grit”, I am certain that you have your own definition of it. Steven Kottler in “The Art of the Impossible” shares that Sir Francis Galton was one of the first researchers to explore the connection to grit and high achievement. Galton believed that talent wasn’t enough to differentiate high performers from others, rather he landed on two characteristics which are “zeal” and “capacity for hard labor”. Later, Angela Duckworth in her book “Grit” agrees that achievement is more than just talent and the grit is about “passion” and perseverance”. In fact, Duckworth’s research has demonstrated that grit has twice the impact on success as academic achievement. Kottler believes that there are six types of grit that lead to peak performance which are; perseverance, willpower, mindset, passion, thought control, and self-talk. Let’s explore each one separate in the remainder of the article.

Perseverance

Kottler suggests that of the six he identified, we are most familiar with the concept of perseverance and see it as day-to-day steadfastness that is fully committed to achievement. We are able to continue on regardless of the circumstances. Duckworth’s work suggests that people with more grit choose engagement with life and all of it’s challenges rather than pleasure as a pathway to happiness. Think about times you were the most “grittiest”. What achievements did you accomplish and what level of satisfaction did you derive from your success?

Napoleon Hill in “Think and Grow Rich” (written in 1937) believed that persistence was an essential factor in turning desire into action. He added that many throw their hands up in reaction to misfortune or opposition. In his book, he identified 16 symptoms of lack of persistence many of which are still relevant today. His symptoms include; failure to clearly define what one wants; wishing instead of willing, procrastination, searching for shortcuts, fear of criticism, and lack of interest in acquiring specialized knowledge.

John Medina in “Brain Rules” shares that our brains are wired to return to doing what we have always done. We need to stay consciously aware of the choices we are making in order to consistently take action towards our goals. Additionally, perseverance draws upon the energy of commitment to our goals which allows us to overcome the obstacles that we face. One strategy when faced with obstacles is to break the goal down into small actions that lead to success. Just doing one action each day towards your goal will build the momentum to keep you going when you want to give up.

Willpower

Numerous studies have demonstrated the influence of willpower on achievement. Two of the most important contributions are the findings around delay of gratification and willpower fatigue. Walter Michel’s early work on delay of gratification suggested that there is a “hot-and-cool” system which describes willpower failure or success. Michel suggested that the cool system is our cognitive thinking process, is more reflective, and provides rationale for why we should not engage in a behavior misaligned with our goals. The hot system represents our emotional triggers and our impulsive reactions to them. Michel theorized that when willpower does fail, the hot system wins out with regards to behaviors. From a brain perspective, these impulsive reactions create neuropathways in the brain which lead to responses to future triggers. For some, this is the work of developing and strengthening willpower.

A second theory suggest that we have a limited supply of willpower. Roy Baumeister in “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength” shares that decision fatigue impacts the amount of willpower one has available. Baumeister shares that when we experience decision fatigue we are more likely to postpone or avoid a decision, give into our impulses, choose the default option and self-indulge. Conversely, we are also less likely to compromise.

How does one strengthen willpower? One of the best ways is to avoid temptation. James Clear in “Atomic Habits” advises that we should not only avoid temptations but use implementation intentions. Implementation intentions start with an “If-then” statement and prepare us for situations that may be impacted by impulsive decisions and situations in which we find it difficult to say no. Implementation intentions can help us improve upon our self-control thus strengthening willpower. Finally, research indicates that willpower is not ever fully exhausted even though we may feel like it. We still keep some in reserve and that’s what we have to tap into through using the right motivations.

Mindset

The Marriam-Webster dictionary defines mindset as both “a mental attitude or inclination and a state of mind.” Carol Dweck in “Mindset” shares that her perspective is that mindsets are a state of mind. When we have closed mindsets, we believe that personal qualities are unchangeable, personality and/or intelligence is unshakable, we tend to see failure as personal and rejecting, and hiding weaknesses is mandatory. When we have growth mindsets, we recognize that we can improve and change behaviors, we believe that the future presents opportunities for growth, we are more likely to build on talents, and see problems as challenges in need of solutions.

Modern biology and psychology have proven that we can grow at any point in our lives. Epigenetics offers us the concept that our genes can turn off and on as a response to triggers in the environment. Jessica Forrest in “Mindsets: Understanding Growth and Fixed Mindsets in Order to Think Positively for Powerful Results” shares that “most of our qualities can be changed through training, conditioning, and experience”. This concept also applies to brain plasticity. It is a heavily researched area that demonstrates that our brains have the capacity for change and growth at every age.

Passion

Kotler shares that when we have curiosity, passion and purpose, grit takes care of itself. Curiosity is foundational to passion and when curiosity ignites with passion the fire builds towards intrinsic motivation. Combine these two ingredients with meaning and purpose and the individual becomes unstoppable as the ingredients increase core performance traits of resilience, productivity, and focus.

Once we are fully aware of what gives life meaning, we can connect the dots to passion. If I were sitting with you and asked, “are you living into your passions”, what would your response be? Would you be able to answer that question quickly and clearly or would you need time to think about it? Cheryl Richardson in “Finding Your Passion” shares that we have to be able to access our feelings to find our passion. Passions come from our heart yet at the same time we can stifle them with our head. She continues with the concept that getting to the depth of our passions require a high degree of self-care. Without this self-care we are at the whim of the day-to-day urgent instead of slowing down long enough to recognize what we find exciting, joyful, and moving. This lack of connectedness also results in roadblocks to living passionately.

How do we discover our passions? Reflection becomes an essential component of discovery. Without that reflection we continue down a path that was many times predetermined for us by parents, siblings, friends, mentors and possibly even colleagues. Gay Hendricks in “The Big Leap” differentiates between the zone of excellence and zone of passion. He believes when we are in our zone of genius, we are living into our passions.

Thought Control

Our thinking can also be noisy and resulting from excessive input reducing our ability to calm the mind and control thoughts. Do your noisy thoughts lead to positive thinking or negative thinking? Our thoughts determine our emotional states. To borrow from Jim Loehr’s writings in “The Power of Story” our thoughts lead us into our emotional states which can be defined as opportunity based or fear based. Byron Katie in “Loving What Is” challenges us to examine how we feel when we think a thought with the statement “how do you feel when you think that thought?. She encourages us to consider the converse with the statement “How would you feel if you did not think that thought?” This brings power back to choices we can make about our thoughts.

Steven Hayes in “A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot to What Matters” encourages us to build flexibility skills to counter thoughts that are not taking us into what matters most to us. He shares that when we notice our thoughts from a curious perspective, remain open to emotions, stay in the present, and align values with habits we develop a greater ability to manage our thoughts. A major improvement in your life can happen when you are able to recognize and pay attention to your thoughts, particularly the negative ones, and transform them into more positive ones.

Self-Talk

The term self-talk often refers to that subconscious voice inside your head that chatters away at you. Sometimes called egocentric speech or discursive chatter, self-talk can become as unnoticeable as background music. For example, when you wake up each morning and look into the mirror, what are the voices saying? Do you need a haircut, need to lose weight, or need any number of improvements? Self-talk can be positive as well as negative. When self-talk is positive, it can uplift you when things aren’t going your way, bolster your self-confidence to try new activities and deepen relationships. But negative self-talk, on the other hand, can interfere with performance, put a black cloud over relationships and erode your self-esteem.
Self-talk has a number of sources. It can come from others-originating with messages received in childhood from parents, teachers and/or friends. It also comes from our successes and disappointments with life and the things we remember and reinforce about ourselves. The key here is that since it’s our self-talk, we own it. Once you begin to recognize the chatter, you can start to deal with the negativity and lower its intensity. Better still, you can take this powerful source of transformation and try to harness it into positive energy.

Susan David in “Emotional Agility” shares that we have a constant cineplex inside our heads creating chatter which then circulates self-defeating emotions, thoughts and behaviors. These emotions, thoughts and behaviors lead to stories we create about our thoughts and experiences. The more negative the story, the more intense the chatter. I frequently ask clients to stop throughout the day and listen to the chatter in their minds. It is only through self-awareness that we can begin to reduce the negativity and replace it with positive self-talk.

Grit has many facets that we can engage in to lift performance. Global IOC has an assessment that will help you determine which aspects of Peak Performance you can focus on and develop into strengths in 2022. Additionally, Global IOC offers an eight-week training program of which Grit is just one topic. For more information, go to Peak Performance Program – Global Institute of Organizational Coaching.

Coaching in Stillness, Mindfulness and Reflection

January 11, 2022 by Dr. Peggy Marshall

It’s the beginning of the new year, which typically brings a time for reflection and assessment of the past year as well as planning for the new one. Do you find yourself jumping right into setting goals and taking action or are you taking the time to listen to that small quiet voice inside that wants to guide some of the decisions? Ryan Holiday, in “Stillness is the Key” shares that there are several methods for quieting the mind; becoming present, limiting your inputs, emptying the mind, slowing down and thinking deeply, journaling, cultivating silence and letting go. This blog will focus on a discussion of these ideas.

Becoming Present

Nancy Kline in “More Time to Think” shares that listening is a creative force. In working with clients, the quiet between the question and the answer can often elicit information that was buried and is now unearthed. I was talking with a client recently who shared that she didn’t realize she was feeling guilty about a past relationship until she was talking with a friend and it came up out of the blue. This form of listening either to our own quiet or the quiet that a coach or good friend allows, is not to uncover or discover to make a move, rather it is to go deeper into what can be rather than what is.

Emptying the Mind and Cultivating Silence

Dza Kilung Rinpoche in “The Relaxed Mind” believes that it is in calming the mind that allows insights to emerge that guide us to our joys, happiness and also to know who we are. It is in learning who we are that we can determine what’s important and what is not. Until we differentiate between the important and unimportant, we make everything important and lose focus. Returning our mind to a relaxed state of presence brings a clear and undisturbed view of our lives that leads to the nuggets of truth we need to move forward.

Limit Input

Shawn Achor, in “Before Happiness” calls excessive input noise. Achor believes that noise is any information that is negative, false, unnecessary or prevents us from being able to reach our full potential. He places noise in four categories; unusable, untimely, hypothetical, or distracting. A skill for everyone to build is the ability to filter through all of the information we receive on a daily basis to determine what is factual, usable, timely and relevant. How often do you evaluate the external noise in your life based upon these criteria? How does the noise in your life prevent you from limiting input? Achor contends that if we just reduce the noise by 5% we can be considerably more successful with the endeavors we are engaged in.

Our thinking can also be noisy and add to excessive input reducing our ability to calm the mind. Do your noisy thoughts lead to positive thinking or negative thinking? Wayne Dyer in “You’ll See It When You Will Believe It” proposes that many highly respected thinkers from an array of different disciplines subscribe to the belief that thought determines how our lives will go. Our thoughts determine our emotional states. To borrow from Jim Loehr’s writings in “The Power of Story” our thoughts lead us into our emotional states which are opportunity based or fear based with noise being fear based. When I am coaching clients, one of the most difficult concepts to understand is the idea that we choose our own thoughts-they don’t just happen to us. A major improvement in your life can happen when you are able to recognize how noise impacts your thoughts-particularly the negative ones.

Journaling

When many people think of journaling, they have the image of a teenage girl writing about her dreams or even Ann Frank who shared dire circumstances during WWII. Ryan Holiday shares that many of the great leaders and thinkers journaled daily as a practice of reflection including Marcus Aurelius, John Quincy Adams, Ben Franklin, and Queen Victoria to name a few. The quiet that occurs when we are journaling can lead to a deeper discovery of ourselves. James Pennebaker, in “Opening Up by Writing It Down” shares that just 15 minutes per day of writing can lead to deeper thinking. Daily writing can also help you slow down, watch your mind, and hold yourself still. Finally, journaling has health benefits that can lead to clearing your mind which include; releasing feelings and stress, increasing self-awareness, identification of emotional triggers, and letting go of unwanted thoughts.

Letting Go

Something we are never taught yet is one of the biggest struggles we face as humans is the need to let go. Letting go of expectations about self and others and wanting things to be perfect can lead to acceptance of what is and ultimately the calm we desire. In Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, she invites us to let go of perfection and defines perfection as “the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.” Brown shares that perfectionism serves as a shield that we believe will protect us when in reality it keeps us from letting go. When we engage in perfectionism, we need the approval of others in order to feel good about ourselves. Letting go of perfectionism is one step towards calming the mind as we no longer energize a false sense of self.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being added as a practice that can grow stillness. Williams and Penman in “Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World” share a few myths of what mindfulness is not in their book. First, mindfulness is not a religion rather it is a way to train yourself mentally to calm the mind. Second, it doesn’t require a specific position such as sitting cross-legged on pillows on the floor and can be done anywhere. I have clients who practice it on planes. Third, it does not require a specific amount of time. However, it will require you to invest, persist, and demonstrate some degree of patience when building your mindfulness practice. Fourth, it is not something you measure and give yourself a grade after doing as it is not something one is successful at or fails at doing. In fact, learning and growth can occur during every session. Fifth, it doesn’t alter desire and/or drive for success, rather it allows you to see the world more clearly so that the actions you take align with what really matters to you.

This blog provided you with numerous tools that you can use to guide stillness, mindfulness and reflection as you move through 2022. For a more in-depth discussion of stillness, please join Global IOC’s webinar and panel discussion on January 26 at Noon EST. Zoom meeting link.