Unwinding the Negative Thinking Spiral
By Ursula Clidiere, Ph.D., CBC and Peggy Marshall, Ph.D., CMBC
Few of us need reminding that 2020 was a year that represented a massive call to action on so many fronts, but first and foremost, for the helping professions. Additionally, it was a double whammy for many as it challenged most helpers in their capability and capacity, mentally and physically, to help others. It also presented us with our own needs for being helped, held, and supported.
For the Coaching profession, equally, it meant a period of stretching, learning, growth, further differentiation, research, and so much more. More importantly though, it probably made a few of us realize our own limitations in coaching others while trying to keep “all wheels on our own carriage”.
Why? Even though we were taking in mutual good advice, the good vibes, the tools, the reframing, … negativity at times creeps in like a snaky poison. Before stretching, we did learn more about our own failure than we probably ever wanted, before learning, it meant stumbling or falling. Nonetheless, as a profession we have also experienced a tremendous surge of peer support, learning opportunities (many free of charge!), networking, candor, and help. Yet, experiencing ourselves with a drop of anxiousness, and noticing what a drip of negativity can do to us, may have humbled us, and possibly broadened our own perspective, even filled us with more compassion.
Despite choosing the cloth of the Resilience Protective Factors discussed by Burger and Marshall Nine Protective Factors of Resilience (globalioc.com) to drape around us, the negativity-poison can penetrate through. Sometimes in small trickly doses that shows itself as an indistinct gray shadow that gives the day a bit of a washed-out appearance. At other times, it might come as a more tidal affront that was difficult to ignore, kidnapping thought processes, and requiring repeated centering before pushing the ‘you are now connected with video’ button on Zoom. The shapes, shades and the duration of these sensations vary greatly but on bad days, it was a trip down the negativity spiral and back. So, what propels us into the negative thinking spiral and more importantly, how do we get back out?
Both Lisa Feldman Barrett in “Seven and a Half Lessons about the Brain” and Rick Hanson in “Hardwiring Happiness” propose that our brains are wired for negativity and threat. Barrett’s research about the evolution of the brain concludes that the action we are required to take is to determine if something we are about to encounter is a foe or friend. Similarly, Hanson shares that we once existed in an “eat or be eaten” environment that remains present today. The challenge becomes that this evaluation of friend or foe or eat or be eaten happens mostly unconsciously. Additionally, the evaluation becomes cumulative, so the experiences and thoughts pack a greater punch as they connect with one another.
Given these factors, the first step in getting out of the negative thinking spiral is to acknowledge that we are in it. Shawn Achor in “Before Happiness” shares that we are the creators of our own reality and advises that we choose the most valuable reality. This means choosing the reality that takes our interpretation of thoughts, events, and circumstances into the best future we can create for ourselves. Stop and think for a moment. Upon awaking, what were your first thoughts this morning? Were you looking forward to the day or were you still thinking about things that happened yesterday or anticipating something unpleasant happening today based upon your calendar? Whatever you were thinking about possibly came with a story.
As coaches we often guide clients in their narrative or the story of what is happening. Jim Loehr in “The Power of The Story” shares that stories are powerful ways that we express ourselves. “Your story is your life,” says Loehr. As human beings, we continually tell ourselves stories — of success or failure; of power or victimhood; stories that endure for an hour, or a day, or an entire lifetime. We have stories about our work, our families and relationships, our health; about what we want and what we are capable of achieving. Yet, while our stories profoundly affect how others see us and we see ourselves, too few of us even recognize that we are telling stories, or what they are, or that we can change them — and, in turn, transform our very destinies.
Emerging from our stories requires us to also evaluate self-talk that is created from the stories. Self-talk is a term that refers to the voices that chatter away in our heads. Susan David in “Emotional Agility” refers to this chatter as “monkey mindedness” and guides the reader in challenging the thoughts that are not productive. This constant chatter can be positive as well as negative. When self-talk is positive, it can uplift you when things are not going your way, bolster your self-confidence to try new activities and deepen relationships. But negative self-talk, on the other hand, can interfere with performance, put a black cloud over relationships and erode your self-esteem. Unwinding the negative thinking spiral challenges us to examine our self-talk and make changes accordingly. The key here is that since it is our self-talk, we own it. And if we own it, we can change it.
This article has provided just two ways to explore and possibly think differently about the negative thinking spiral along with ideas for changing it. For more resources and tools on “Unwinding the Negative Thinking Spiral” join, the Global IOC Wednesday Webinar on February 24 at 10 AM EST. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85671563794?pwd=TmNGbVNEYXc5LzdVcDdnUzhwdWhCdz09