It’s the beginning of the new year, which typically brings a time for reflection and assessment of the past year as well as planning for the new one. Do you find yourself jumping right into setting goals and taking action or are you taking the time to listen to that small quiet voice inside that wants to guide some of the decisions? Ryan Holiday, in “Stillness is the Key” shares that there are several methods for quieting the mind; becoming present, limiting your inputs, emptying the mind, slowing down and thinking deeply, journaling, cultivating silence and letting go. This blog will focus on a discussion of these ideas.
Becoming Present
Nancy Kline in “More Time to Think” shares that listening is a creative force. In working with clients, the quiet between the question and the answer can often elicit information that was buried and is now unearthed. I was talking with a client recently who shared that she didn’t realize she was feeling guilty about a past relationship until she was talking with a friend and it came up out of the blue. This form of listening either to our own quiet or the quiet that a coach or good friend allows, is not to uncover or discover to make a move, rather it is to go deeper into what can be rather than what is.
Emptying the Mind and Cultivating Silence
Dza Kilung Rinpoche in “The Relaxed Mind” believes that it is in calming the mind that allows insights to emerge that guide us to our joys, happiness and also to know who we are. It is in learning who we are that we can determine what’s important and what is not. Until we differentiate between the important and unimportant, we make everything important and lose focus. Returning our mind to a relaxed state of presence brings a clear and undisturbed view of our lives that leads to the nuggets of truth we need to move forward.
Limit Input
Shawn Achor, in “Before Happiness” calls excessive input noise. Achor believes that noise is any information that is negative, false, unnecessary or prevents us from being able to reach our full potential. He places noise in four categories; unusable, untimely, hypothetical, or distracting. A skill for everyone to build is the ability to filter through all of the information we receive on a daily basis to determine what is factual, usable, timely and relevant. How often do you evaluate the external noise in your life based upon these criteria? How does the noise in your life prevent you from limiting input? Achor contends that if we just reduce the noise by 5% we can be considerably more successful with the endeavors we are engaged in.
Our thinking can also be noisy and add to excessive input reducing our ability to calm the mind. Do your noisy thoughts lead to positive thinking or negative thinking? Wayne Dyer in “You’ll See It When You Will Believe It” proposes that many highly respected thinkers from an array of different disciplines subscribe to the belief that thought determines how our lives will go. Our thoughts determine our emotional states. To borrow from Jim Loehr’s writings in “The Power of Story” our thoughts lead us into our emotional states which are opportunity based or fear based with noise being fear based. When I am coaching clients, one of the most difficult concepts to understand is the idea that we choose our own thoughts-they don’t just happen to us. A major improvement in your life can happen when you are able to recognize how noise impacts your thoughts-particularly the negative ones.
Journaling
When many people think of journaling, they have the image of a teenage girl writing about her dreams or even Ann Frank who shared dire circumstances during WWII. Ryan Holiday shares that many of the great leaders and thinkers journaled daily as a practice of reflection including Marcus Aurelius, John Quincy Adams, Ben Franklin, and Queen Victoria to name a few. The quiet that occurs when we are journaling can lead to a deeper discovery of ourselves. James Pennebaker, in “Opening Up by Writing It Down” shares that just 15 minutes per day of writing can lead to deeper thinking. Daily writing can also help you slow down, watch your mind, and hold yourself still. Finally, journaling has health benefits that can lead to clearing your mind which include; releasing feelings and stress, increasing self-awareness, identification of emotional triggers, and letting go of unwanted thoughts.
Letting Go
Something we are never taught yet is one of the biggest struggles we face as humans is the need to let go. Letting go of expectations about self and others and wanting things to be perfect can lead to acceptance of what is and ultimately the calm we desire. In Brene Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, she invites us to let go of perfection and defines perfection as “the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.” Brown shares that perfectionism serves as a shield that we believe will protect us when in reality it keeps us from letting go. When we engage in perfectionism, we need the approval of others in order to feel good about ourselves. Letting go of perfectionism is one step towards calming the mind as we no longer energize a false sense of self.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is being added as a practice that can grow stillness. Williams and Penman in “Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World” share a few myths of what mindfulness is not in their book. First, mindfulness is not a religion rather it is a way to train yourself mentally to calm the mind. Second, it doesn’t require a specific position such as sitting cross-legged on pillows on the floor and can be done anywhere. I have clients who practice it on planes. Third, it does not require a specific amount of time. However, it will require you to invest, persist, and demonstrate some degree of patience when building your mindfulness practice. Fourth, it is not something you measure and give yourself a grade after doing as it is not something one is successful at or fails at doing. In fact, learning and growth can occur during every session. Fifth, it doesn’t alter desire and/or drive for success, rather it allows you to see the world more clearly so that the actions you take align with what really matters to you.
This blog provided you with numerous tools that you can use to guide stillness, mindfulness and reflection as you move through 2022. For a more in-depth discussion of stillness, please join Global IOC’s webinar and panel discussion on January 26 at Noon EST. Zoom meeting link.