“Argue for your limitations and they become you”
---Richard Bach
Frequently clients come to coaching because they feel stuck. Stuck is a term often used to describe the psychological and behavioral patterns associated with feeling trapped or unable to progress in one's life. While not formally a scientific term, it shares various concepts within psychology and related fields that explore why individuals feel trapped and how they build strategies to overcome inaction.
Anyone who has felt stuck knows how uncomfortable this situation feels. And yet, we must ask ourselves if there are any benefits to remaining stuck. Britt Frank in “The Science of Stuck” shares nine benefits of staying stuck.
Energy conservation. Believe it or not, our brains try to conserve energy through habits. Once a habit is formed, the brain can execute it with minimal conscious effort, thereby conserving energy that would otherwise be required for decision-making and conscious processing.
Image preservation. Image preservation involves managing how one is perceived by others. There is also an element of risk management that is associated with image preservation. Moving forward and not achieving success can lead others to view the individual differently. Think about the successful people you read about all the time in social media. One failure determines how they are seen overall rather than as a one-time event.
Included often in image preservation is the fear of failure. This can paralyze individuals and prevent them from taking risks or pursuing goals that could lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Fear of failure is often intertwined with what others will think.
Control. Dr. Frank also shares that by keeping ideas and thoughts safely in our heads, we have control over them. However, when keeping ideas and thoughts safely in our heads primarily to protect and preserve action, maintain privacy, and safeguard sensitive information we lose out on opportunities for growth. Yet, control does keep us safe because we set the limitations and those limitations become us.
Familiarity. We resonate with that which is familiar. Familiarity can be found in routines, environments, people, and even in certain emotions or experiences. Gay Hendricks in “The Big Leap”, argues that many individuals remain stuck in their "Zone of Excellence" or "Zone of Competence," where they are proficient but not truly fulfilled.
Financial Security. Taking financial risks, such as starting a new business or changing jobs or roles, can be intimidating. Staying in a familiar situation, even if it is not ideal, can feel safer than risking financial instability by pursuing something new. And of course, the question to be answered is what if it does not work out? What if it does???
Relationship Equilibrium. There is no question that when one changes, relationships change. Overall, how change impacts a relationship depends on various factors, including the nature of the change, the resilience of the individuals involved, and the quality of communication and support within the relationship. Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt are key factors in successfully navigating change in relationships.
Other Factors That Keep Us Stuck
Cognitive Biases. Certain cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and anchoring bias, can contribute to feelings of being stuck by limiting one's perspective and ability to see alternative solutions or opportunities. Many times, when individuals have cognitive biases, they align with others who have those shared confirmation biases. Seeking out advice from others who share the same biases is a recipe for remaining stuck.
Limiting Beliefs. Beliefs about oneself, the world, and one's capabilities can influence behavior and contribute to feeling stuck. These limiting beliefs may stem from past experiences, societal influences, or self-perception and can become the excuses we make for inability to move forward. Limiting beliefs sound like; I am not good enough; I do not deserve success; I am too old/young; I am afraid to fail; I do not have enough money/resources; I am not smart/talented enough; I am too busy; I am afraid of rejection. When these and other limiting beliefs remain unchallenged and continue to circulate as thought patterns, they become fulfilling prophecies.
Lack of Clarity and Direction. Uncertainty about one's goals, values, or purpose can contribute to feeling stuck. Without a clear sense of direction, individuals may struggle to take decisive action or make progress toward their objectives. Connors, Smith, and Hickman in “The Oz Principle” share that sometimes when individuals have lack of clarity they engage in “wait and see” behaviors. They recognize that they have some responsibility for their situation but adopt a passive approach, waiting for others to solve the problem or for circumstances to change on their own.
Inertia. Marshall Goldsmith in “What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There”, emphasizes that inertia can be a significant barrier to change and growth, particularly for successful individuals who have achieved a certain level of status or accomplishment. The author adds that that inertia is the tendency to maintain the status quo and resist change, even when it may be beneficial or necessary. This inertia can manifest in various ways, such as complacency, reluctance to take risks, or clinging to outdated habits and beliefs.
Strategies for Overcoming Being Stuck
By addressing inertia head-on and actively pursuing change, individuals can unlock new opportunities for growth, innovation, and success. Goldsmith's thought leadership emphasizes the importance of overcoming complacency and embracing continuous improvement as keys to thriving in an ever-changing world. The author shares four strategies for overcoming inertia. First, we need to recognize and create awareness about the underlying reasons that block forward progress. Next, taking full accountability for both our beliefs and actions along with honoring commitments made to change. Third, seeking feedback from trusted others about any blind spots that may be showing up and impeding progress. This could even be a coach or trusted advisor who can support your growth. Finally, celebrating the small wins. Big change happens through a series of baby steps. In this strategy ensure that milestones are set and celebrated not just the final outcomes.
Returning to Gay Hendricks in “The Big Leap,” we can begin to think of “The Zone of Genius” as a guide for the highest level of personal achievement and fulfillment. According to Hendricks, making the leap into the Zone of Genius requires overcoming self-imposed limitations and fears, such as the fear of success, the fear of failure, or the fear of outshining others. It involves identifying and embracing one's unique gifts and passions, as well as cultivating a mindset of abundance and possibility.
A few of Hendrick’s strategies include:
Identification of limiting beliefs. If you are not sure whether you have any, reflect on the question “what might get in my way as I pursue this goal”? You can also ask trusted friends and family if they have seen you express any limiting beliefs. And lastly, if these beliefs are deeply buried, you might consider coaching or counseling.
Awareness. Develop a practice of mindfulness to become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Mindfulness can help you recognize when you are engaging in self-sabotaging patterns and make conscious choices to change them. Reflection questions such as “what was I thinking before that action” can help surface the obstacles to forward movement.
Challenge your inner critic. Notice the voice of your inner critic and challenge its negative messages. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion and encouragement. Remember that you are capable of more than you think. A turnaround strategy used in the Global IOC curriculum is four statements taken from Byron Katie in “Loving What Is.” Is it true, is it really true, how do you feel when you think that way, and how would you feel if you let go of that thought?
Lean into discomfort. Growth often requires stepping outside of your comfort zone, your Zone of Excellence. Embrace discomfort as a sign that you are pushing your limits and growing. Instead of avoiding challenges, lean into them with curiosity and courage. Also, as Stephen Guise in “Mini-Habits” advises, limit the amount of time you lean into that discomfort to what you can tolerate. Then extend the time spent on actions taken gradually.
Cultivate Gratitude. Cultivate a daily practice of gratitude to shift your focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in your life. Gratitude can help you maintain a positive mindset and overcome feelings of scarcity or inadequacy.
Release Limiting People, Places and Things. Evaluate your relationships and environments and identify any that may be holding you back or reinforcing limiting beliefs. Create boundaries or distance yourself from relationships that are not supportive of your growth. A reflection about what energizes and what drains can help to categorize people, places and things while providing an opportunity to eliminate the “low hanging fruit.”
Surround yourself with supportive people. Follow the release of the above by surrounding yourself with people who believe in you and support your growth. Seek out mentors, coaches, and peers who can offer guidance, encouragement, and accountability.
Practice Self-Care. It is essential to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Prioritize activities that recharge and rejuvenate you, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones. Notice which stories take you into the best version of self and which ones take you away.
By identifying and addressing the factors that contribute to feeling stuck, individuals can take steps to regain a sense of agency and move forward in their lives.
Please join us on May 1 at 11 AM EST for a webinar on the topic of “Getting Unstuck”. We will be discussing strategies for helping clients move forward with personal growth and change. https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89476852391