Meaning making refers to the process by which individuals construct or derive meaning from their experiences, interactions, and the world around them. An important word here is constructs. Individuals construct meaning based upon their own global meaning of the world which includes beliefs, goals, and subjective feelings. Global meaning is also referred to as a personal operating system that guides the interpretation of experiences and motivations and is constructed early in life. An important point is that individuals do not construct meaning in the same way as individuals do not always share beliefs about the world, self, and self in the world. Meaning making is context-dependent which suggests that the same event or experience can hold different meanings for different individuals.
Global meaning is thought to powerfully influence the emotions, actions and thoughts of individuals. When events, situations or relationships conflict with global meaning, individuals assign meaning to these experiences often referred to as situational meaning. The discrepancy between the global meaning and the situational meaning based upon the appraisal of the individual will determine the amount of distress experienced by the individual. Factors influencing the appraisal include but are not limited to the perception of threat, controllability, why the event occurred and the impact on the individual’s future.
The best place for intervention is during the appraisal process. Byron Katie in “Loving What Is” shares a four-step turn around that would help an individual process a discrepancy between global meaning and situational appraisal. First, the statement “Is it true?”, followed by “Is it really true?”. These two sentences require an individual to test the meaning being made of an event. The third statement asks the individual to evaluate the meaning of the experiences through questioning about the feelings that arise. “How do you feel when you think that way?” Evaluation of feelings now gives the individual a choice. Katie’s last statement challenges the individual to change how thoughts impact feelings by asking “How would you feel if you didn’t think that way?” This question requires the individual to dig deep into choices about thoughts and the meaning making process. Victor Frankl shares “Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” When we understand the power we have to choose a response to an appraisal of a situation or event, we exercise our power to successfully navigate the current situation or event and build strength for responses in future situations.
Other authors offer similar suggestions about the impact of thoughts and beliefs on the appraisal process for meaning making. Edith Eger in “The Gift” shares that our thoughts and beliefs determine and frequently limit how we feel, what we do and what we think is possible. Being able to notice what our thoughts and beliefs are telling us can guide the appraisal process. Steven Hayes in “A Liberated Mind” shares that we need to shift from a focus on what we are thinking and feeling to focusing on how we relate to what we think and feel. Like Eger and Katie, placing emphasis is on learning to step back from what you are thinking, notice it, and open up to what you are observing about the experience without judging. Hayes suggests that efforts to avoid or control our thoughts or feelings are ineffective. Rather, he proposes that we need to focus our energies on taking positive actions that can alleviate our distress.
Marc Brackett in “Permission to Feel” offers strategies for evaluation of emotions that arise during the appraisal process using the RULER technique. The RULER technique represents five skills of emotion management: recognize (self-awareness), understand (what is behind the emotion and where it is coming from), label (name it correctly), express (in a manner that takes us where we want to go) and finally regulate the emotion (in a helpful way). The last skill, regulation, requires us to be more consistent with strategies for appraising the situation or event in a manner that reduces distress.
We must remember that thoughts, along with words emerging from those thoughts matter as we appraise situations and events. Susan David in “Emotional Agility” shares four common hooks that unsettle our ability to agilely respond to what is happening in our lives. The first is “monkey-mindedness”. Think about how monkeys can swing from tree to tree without a thought about what’s happening or where they are going. When an individual’s monkey-mindedness is negative, the appraisal process can continue to add fuel to the fire of the negative thinking building with each thought. The mind quickly moves from past grievances to assumptions of the future without checking for evidence.
David adds three other aspects that impact our thinking and thus how we make meaning which are thought blaming, old, outdated ideas and beliefs and the need to be right. Thought blaming occurs when we blame what we think for causing behavior. It sounds something like “I thought he/she should finish the project before we talked so I didn’t ask any questions”. When we don’t check in with our thoughts, they may cause us to make meaning without validation of the thoughts. This also occurs with old, outdated beliefs and the need to be right. We need to be able to reflect upon our actions to determine if they are a fit for the situation rather than simply following our past thinking.
The good news is that meaning making can evolve over time, especially as individuals grow, learn, and have new experiences. Their understanding of meaning being made may change or even deepen. Meizerow names this transformational learning. He believed that as individuals encounter “disorienting dilemmas”, they would need to apply critical thinking about the underlying beliefs and assumptions about situations to determine accuracy. That is the process that individuals need to undertake to decrease the gap between the global meaning and situational meaning of a given event.
Ethan Kross, in “Chatter” adds that humans developed an inner voice for the purpose of evaluating their past and to prepare for the future. These inner voices facilitate introspection and reflection allowing us the opportunity to analyze past behaviors and grow from any mistakes while at the same time anticipating when a behavior or event can create a challenge. Kross shares that being able to distance yourself from your thoughts can help to turn down the chatter and give the space to make a more accurate appraisal. Knowing what works for you whether it’s going for a walk or a drive, listening to music or deep breathing exercise may help you reframe the experience and gain perspective.
When you are coaching, it is important to remember that clients do not make meaning in the same manner that you do. Taking the time to surface beliefs, attitudes and emotions related to meaning being made can help to alleviate distress and move the coaching process positively into actions aligned with client goals.