My daughter was an All-State Ohio high school and then college softball pitcher and enjoyed many successes. After one particular loss with a rival school, she told me that what took her off course was that the umpire changed the strike zone. When I shared that comment with a colleague (who was ribbing me) he asked “aren’t we supposed to adjust when the strike zone changes?” That response has stuck with me over the years as it’s a great question. When the strike zone changes metaphorically on us, as with the pandemic, how quickly can we adjust to the new zone?
Every day we wake up with expectations that our day will be the same as the day before. We are creatures of habit and derive comfort when our lives remain within the status quo. However, the status quo creates “rules” for life that we expect to be followed and when they are not, we are taken off our course. Using the softball pitches and game analogy, let’s review those things that change our direction.
The Fast Ball. For most people, life moves too fast. We are overcommitted at work and at home with precious little time for ourselves. We don’t have time to nourish our bodies or for the activities that feed our souls. Rather we seem to be chasing the ever changing brass ring that we believe will lead us to happiness. Although many times we are reacting to our environment, if we do not take charge of what we can control, the environment will take charge of us.
When we are in “doing” mode, we are in automatic pilot and miss opportunities to make a conscious choice about what is happening in our life. Functioning in “being” mode takes us back to our senses so that what we are seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting is happening in real time for us. When is the last time you really tasted your food, smelled the morning dew, or experienced the feeling of a silky blanket? Clients often remark that they barely have time to eat, let alone do it mindfully, which demonstrates the potential benefit for slowing down to experience what we are doing when we are doing it. The antidote to the fast ball is mindfulness. Mindfulness focuses on “being” rather than “doing”. Most of us are much more comfortable with doing rather than being. William and Penman outline characteristics that represent the difference between doing and being and provide a few exercises to switch into mindfulness.
The Curve Ball. We make and live by plans and many times those plans are disrupted by life events. Curves are the storms in our lives from the big ones like losing jobs, serious illness and ending relationships to flat tires, common colds, and dealing with relationship problems. With the curve balls, it’s important to examine how we adapt or respond to the curve. Our response to obstacles can either empower or disempower us. Chip Conley in “Emotional Equations” shares that the event + reaction = outcome. Keeping that equation close by can be a reminder that our reactions to the curve balls determine our outcomes not the curve balls.
The Change-Up. The change-up in softball or baseball is about a ball that throws off the batter’s timing as the batter needs to make a change to be successful. Do you find yourself locked into the same behaviors and same routines even though you know you need to make changes? Facing needed changes allows us to face new challenges. Changing requires us to walk into the unknown. Depending upon how much we resist change, the list of disadvantages to making change can greatly outweigh the advantages giving us reasons to remain stuck. We may not like the feelings we experience when in the midst of change, but there is no progress without change. One of Global IOC’s go to models for a change process is “the intended change” model. The model helps people move through a process to align the ideal and real self while leveraging strengths and mitigating challenges. Many clients have had success with this model.
The Rise Ball. The rise ball starts low and continues to rise. Rise balls represent our successes. Do we continue to believe in limitless potential or do we place obstacles in our own paths? There is a quote I have heard often that states “Argue for your limitations, and they become yours”. Do you argue for your limitations or are you exploring ways to continue to rise. Success can put blinders on us, not allowing us to see new ways to continue to rise. Hendricks in “The Big Leap” shares that we function in zones with the ultimate goal to live in the zone of genius. We move into that zone when we continue to rise.
The Umpire. The umpire represents our own inner critic. The more critical we are of ourselves, the more difficult it is for us to raise or maintain our own self-esteem. One of the worst things we do to ourselves is to compare ourselves to others. We will always be able to find others in better circumstances than us. The reverse is also true. When we stop worrying about what others have and do, we can bring the focus back to us allowing for dreams, plans and actions to manifest in success. Susan David in “Emotional Agility” shares that we have a constant cineplex inside our heads creating chatter which then circulates self-defeating emotions, thoughts and behaviors. Silencing the inner critic by replacing it with positive thoughts is one way to control the umpire’s hold on us.
The Fans. Fans can energize us or drain us. Have you ever noticed how drawn we are to certain people? They are typically upbeat, charismatic, positive, and energizing. They leave us excited about our own potential and possibilities. Then there are the drainers. These people are gifted at sharing the worst, reminding us of our pasts, and are just generally doom and gloom individuals. They tell us that they are sharing negative information for our own good! My best advice is, do not take praise or critics too personal. True fans are there for you in good and bad times.
The different speeds and locations of the pitches, the fans, and the umpires can take us out of our comfort zone into life’s challenges. When life moves the strike zone on us we have at least two options for reacting to the movement. Personally I think the more options we create for ourselves the more likely we are to be successful in navigating through storms. However, the two options that are always available to us are to see the storms as a challenge that we can overcome or as a challenge that takes us out of the game. The good news is that we always have choices and even if we don’t make the best choices in the beginning of a challenge, we can always rethink the challenge and successfully move through it!